The paramount importance of self attention-8

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What remains when the ego takes flight is just our real nature,which as he says in verse 21 of Upadēśa Undiyār is alwaysthetrue import of the word ‘I’, because we do not cease toexist insleep, even though there is then no ego. This true import oftheword ‘I’ is not something new that we did not knowbefore, butis just the one ‘I’ that we have always known clearly, becausewhether the ego appears, as in waking and dream, or doesnotappear, as in sleep, we are always aware of ourself, our ownexistence, ‘I am’. However, though we have never beennotaware of this one real ‘I’, we were previously aware of it asego,the spurious ‘I’ that rises as ‘I am this body’, sowhenthisimposter takes flight, we know only what we havealwaysknown, namely the one real ‘I’, but instead of knowingit asego, we know it as it really is

The ‘I’ that we are to know is not anything other thanourself,so when we know what we really are we will knowthat wehave always known ourself. This is why Bhagavansaysinverse 33 of Uḷḷadu Nāṟpadu: ‘To make oneself anobject, are

there two selves? Because being one is the truth, the experienceof everyone’.

The ego is just a wrong knowledge or awareness of ourself,which is superimposed on our awareness of our real nature, justas the snake is just a misperception, which is superimposedonour perception of the rope. Therefore when thewrongawareness called ‘ego’ is removed, what remains is therealawareness that we actually are, unobscured by the appearanceof the ego, just as when the misperception called‘snake’isremoved, what remains is our perception of therope,unobscured by the appearance of the snake.

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Just as the snake is nothing other than a rope, the egois nothingother than our real nature. Therefore to see our real naturewejust have to look at the ego very carefully. So longaswemistake ourself to be this ego, we need to investigate it, but ouraim is not to know the ego but only to knowwhat weactuallyare. If we clearly understand the oneness of the egoandourreal nature, we will understand that looking at theegoisnothing other than looking at our real nature.

However, if someone is unable to doubt the reality of their jīva-bhāva or sense of individuality, the false awareness ‘I amthisbody’, they will not be able to understand evenat anintellectual level that what seems to be the ego is nothingotherthan their real nature. For such people it is necessarytosaythatthe ‘I’ that should be investigated is only the ego, becausetheybelieve the real ‘I’ is something other than that, whereasforthose who can understand that the ego is just a false appearance,like an illusory snake, it will be clear that there is actuallynodifference between investigating the ego and investigatingone’s real nature.

In the question ‘Whence am I?’ what ‘I’ refers tois onlytheego, because the ego alone is the rising ‘I’, the ‘I’ that appearsand therefore just seems to exist, so investigating whenceamImeans investigating the source from which the ego has risenorappeared, namely one’s own real nature. In the question‘Whoam I?’, however, though what ‘I’ refers to may seemtobetheego, if one has a more mature and therefore a clearer andmoresubtle understanding it will be clear that fromadeeperperspective what ‘I’ refers to is actually one’s real nature,because one’s real nature alone is the being ‘I’, the‘I’ thatactually exists, so it alone is what seems to be the ego, andhence though investigating who amI may seemtomeaninvestigating the ego, what it actually means is investigatingone’s own real nature.

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What this person argued is like arguing that we shouldnot lookat the rope because Bhagavan said that we should lookonlyatthe snake. But how can we look at what seems tobeasnakewithout looking at the rope? We may not recognise that it isarope, but even when we look at it thinking it is a snake, whatwe are actually looking at is only a rope. Likewise, evenwhenwe do not recognise it as our real nature, when we attendtotheego what we are actually attending to is only our real nature,because what seems to be this ego is nothing other thanthat

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No such thing as ego actually exists. We seemto bethisegoonly because we do not look at ourself carefully enough, sotheego seems to exist only when we do not attend toit keenlyenough. This is why Bhagavan asks us to investigate ourselfbykeenly attending to the ego, which is what we nowseemtobe.

Therefore understanding clearly that what seems tobethisegois nothing other than our real nature is necessary for ustogodeep within.

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How can we see what we actually are so long as we clingtothebelief that the ‘I’ we are investigating is only the ego? Theverypurpose of investigating ourself is for us to see that wearenotactually this ego, which we seemed to be till now, but areonlybeginningless, endless (limitless or infinite) andunbroken(undivided or unfragmented) sat-cit-ānanda, as Bhagavansaysin verse 28 of Upadēśa Undiyār, so when we attendtoourselfwe need to give up all ideas about two different ‘I’s, oneofwhich we know, namely the ego, and the other of whichwedonot know, namely our real nature.

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There is only ever one ‘I’, which is our real nature, but becausewe have not investigated it keenly enough, it seems tobethisego. This is why investigating this ego with eagerness toknowwhat it is is the only means to know what we actuallyare. Wecannot know what we actually are so long as we continuetobelieve that the real import of the word ‘I’ (what thiswordactually refers to) is the ego, so the sooner we giveupthiswrong idea the better.

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This is what Bhagavan implies when he says in NāṉYār?: Even though one places whatever amount of burdenuponGod,that entire amount he will bear. Since one paramēśvaraśakti[supreme ruling power or power of God] is drivingall kāryas[whatever needs or ought to be done or to happen], insteadofwe also yielding to it, why to be perpetually thinking, ‘it isnecessary to do like this; it is necessary to dolikethat’?Though we know that the train is going bearing all theburdens,why should we who go travelling in it, instead of remaininghappily leaving our small luggage placed on it [thetrain],suffer bearing it [our luggage] on our head?

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If we train ourself to cling fast to this attitude, givingupall ourcares and concerns by trusting him entirely to provide whateverwe need, that will save us the trouble of thinkingsomanycountless thoughts that we would otherwise believearenecessary for us to think. Only when we are firmlyestablishedin this attitude will it be possible for us to surrender ourselfentirely, because self-surrender is not complete until wegiveup thinking of or attending to anything other thanourself, 

asBhagavan says in the first sentence of the same paragraphofNāṉ Yār?: 

‘Being ātma-niṣṭhāparaṉ [one who is steadilyfixedin and as oneself], giving not even the slightest roomtotherising of any cintana [thought] other than ātma-cintana[‘thought of oneself’, self-contemplation or self-attentiveness],alone is giving oneself to God’

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202 very good argument

If we truly know that something is good, we will like it anddoit. If, however, we say that we know it is good but donot likeitor will not do it, we are not really convinced that it is good. Inother words, we lack the strength of conviction, whichisjñāna-śakti [the power of knowing, understanding, discernment,discrimination or judgement]. For example, if we saythat weknow that touching fire is harmful, yet we like to touchit ordonot avoid touching it, we have not truly understoodhowharmful it is.

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Likewise, if we were deeply and firmly convinced that our realnature is happiness and that everything else is misery, wewould not like to attend to anything other than ourself, andwewould have the power to do nothing but attendingonlytoourself. If, on the other hand, we find that we are unabletoattend only to ourself, that means that we do not yet havesufficient liking to do so, and the reason why we donot havesufficient liking is that we are not truly convincedthathappiness is our real nature and therefore cannot be foundinanything other than ourself.

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However, even if we lack the ability to cling to self-attentionfirmly and steadily, we should not be disheartened, becausewhat is more important than our ability is our likingtodoso. Ifwe truly like to do so, the ability will certainly followinthetracks of our liking

Therefore we should pray toBhagavanwith all our heart to give us unshakeably firmconvictionthathappiness is our real nature, because the more weareconvinced of this, the more we will like to attendonlytoourself, and the more we like to do so, the more we will beableto do so. To succeed in this path, therefore, bhakti [likingorlove], vivēka [discernment, discrimination or judgement] andthe practice of self-attention must all go hand in hand. Ifwetruly like to follow this path and thereby surrender ourselfentirely to Bhagavan, who is God, guru and our ownrealnature, he will do everything else for us.

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When he finally reveals himself within our heart as thelight ofpure awareness, he will have prepared us perfectly, soit willhappen so smoothly and naturally that it will seemas if nothinghas happened, and instead we will see that we are just aswehave always been.

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For japaormūrti-dhyāna to be spiritually efficacious, a satya aṁśa[oneofthe three real aspects of brahman, namely sat-cit-ānanda,existence-awareness-bliss, also known as asti-bhāti-priya,being-illumination-love] must be combined with them, andthatsatya aṁśa is love, which is the ānanda or priya aspect. Totheextent that they are done with heart-melting love, japaandmūrti-dhyāna are powerful aids on the path of self-surrender,because they are each a means by which love canbefocused

and directed back to God or guru, who is its source, andthemore our love is focused on God or guru, the more willingwewill become to give ourself entirely to him

Even though initially we may consider God or gurutobeasecond or third person, the more our love for himgrows, themore our love for ourself as a person, whomwe consider tobethe first person, will diminish, and consequently the morewewill yield ourself to him. When our love and surrender thusgrow sufficiently, it will be easy for God in the formof gurutoturn our mind back within to face ourself alone, therebyeradicating our ego.

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Bhagavan himself indicates inverse10of Śrī Aruṇācala Padigam:

I have seen a wonder, the magnetic hill that seizes [or forciblyattracts] the soul. Subduing the mischievous activityof thesoulwho thinks of it once, pulling [dragging or attracting] [that soul]to face towards itself, the one [or peerless] [infiniteself-awareness that shines within the heart as ‘I’], and[thereby]making it acala [motionless] like itself, it accepts[andconsumes] that sweet [spiritually ripened and pure] soul asbali[food offered in sacrifice]. What [a wonder] this is! Osouls, besaved [by] thinking of the great Aruna Hill, this killer ofthesoul, who shines in the heart [as ‘I’].

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Sadhu Om: Egolessness is perfect humility, sothemorehumble we are the closer we are to eradicating the ego. Thisiswhy Bhagavan strongly emphasised the need for us tobehumble, as he did, for example, in the final paragraphof NāṉYār?: If oneself rises [or appears] [as ego or mind], everythingrises[or appears]; if oneself subsides [disappears or ceases],everything subsides [disappears or ceases]. To whatever extentsinking low [subsiding or being humble] we proceed[orconduct ourself], to that extent there is goodness [benefit or

virtue]. If one is [continuously] restraining [curbing, subduingor reducing] mind, wherever one may be one can be. When he says, ‘To whatever extent sinking lowwe proceed, tothat extent there is goodness’, he uses the termtāṙndu, [anadverbial participle] which means sinking low, subsiding,declining, bending, bowing or worshipping, so it impliesbeinghumble and submissive. The lower ego sinks or subsides, themore humility and surrender take over

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Humility is divinity. In verses 494, 496 and 497of GuruVācaka Kōvai Bhagavan says that one becomes great totheextent that one becomes humble, and that the reasonwhyGodis so great that he is worthy to be worshipped byall livingbeings is that he is so humble and free of ego that he considershimself to be the servant of even the lowliest of creatures. Heissupreme because he is humbler than even the most humble

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Likewise, having studied Bhagavan’s teachings, weshould

give up seeking happiness outside ourself, and shouldinsteadlook within to see that it is our own real nature. When the woman feels her own neck and finds her necklacethere, she no longer needs the help of the mirror, becausesheisnow clearly aware that she has always been wearingit.Likewise, when we look within and thereby see that weourselfare infinite happiness, we will no longer need thehelpofBhagavan’s teachings, because we will be clearlyawarethatthe happiness we were seeking is what we always actuallyareand can therefore never have been lost.

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In order to surrender ourself we must avoid rising as ego,

which we can do most effectively and completely by vigilantly attending to ourself, thereby giving no room to the rising of any other thought, as Bhagavan teaches us in the thirteenthparagraph of Nāṉ Yār?:

Being ātma-niṣṭhāparaṉ [one who is completely fixedinandasoneself], giving not even the slightest roomto the risingof anycintana [thought] other than ātma-cintana [‘thought of oneself’,self-contemplation or self-attentiveness], alone is givingoneself to God. Even though one places whatever amount ofburden upon God, that entire amount he will bear. Sinceoneparamēśvara śakti [supreme ruling power or power of God]isdriving all kāryas [whatever needs or ought to be doneortohappen], instead of we also yielding to it, why to be perpetuallythinking, ‘it is necessary to do like this; it is necessarytodolike that’? Though we know that the train is goingbearingallthe burdens, why should we who go travelling in it, insteadof

remaining happily leaving our small luggage placedonit [thetrain], suffer bearing it [our luggage] on our head? Doing any sādhana other than self-enquiry and self-surrenderiseither like cycling on the deck of the ship, whichisanunnecessary effort, or like rowing a small boat in order togotosome other destination. Like a passenger on a trainor aship,we should surrender to the power of Bhagavan’s infinitelove,which will unfailingly carry us to our destination, unlimitedhappiness. 

To the extent that we are willing to surrender ourself to Bhagavan, all other sādhanas will naturally drop off

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