The paramount importance of self attention-2

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If God is experienced or known as other than the knower, hebecomes an object of knowledge and as such he dependsforhis existence upon the knower. Since the knower is unreal, sotoo is whatever it knows. Therefore, the absolute realityor Godcan only be known truly by the knower being onewithit.When the knower and the known are both resolved intotheonereality, that is true knowledge.

Therefore Bhagavan is discussingthese three ‘places’ when he says in verse 14of UlladuNarpadu: If the first person (tanmai) exists, the secondandthird persons (munnilai- padarkkaigal) will exist. If thefirstperson ceases to exist [because of] oneself investigatingthetruth of the first person, the second and third personcometoan

end, and tanmai [the real ‘selfness’], which shines asone[undivided by the appearance of the three seeminglyseparatepersons or ‘places’], alone is one’s [true] state, whichis self.

Therefore ‘I am’ is the true tanmai, and ‘I amso-and-so’ isathief, a second person posing as if it were the first personortanmai. True knowledge (jnana) is attained only whenthebodyand person that were taken to be ‘I’, the first person, arerecognised to be second persons, things that are not ‘I’.

One important point to note here in this verse is that Bhagavandoes not say that this false first person, the ego, actuallyexists,but only says conditionally: ‘If the first person exists ...’. Henever actually accepted its existence.

Until they come to Bhagavan, people generally believethat selfwill be experienced if they get rid of all thoughts, whicharesecond or third persons. They don’t understand that thefirstperson, which is the root of all thoughts, must alsogo. That iswhy when some people come and ask me what myexperienceis, I say that I do not have any experience, becauseintheabsence of an experiencer there can be no experience.

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However, onlythetermisnew, because after some time you will understandthat self-attention is ever going on. It is our eternal nature, becauseselfis never unaware of itself.

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When we first discover that the third wall does not exist, wewill desire to run in that direction in order to escape fromtheprison. This is similar to the experience of sphurana, thefreshclarity of self-awareness that arises when we investigatethefirst person or present moment.

But guru then makes us seethat

since the third wall is actually non-existent, our imprisonment(bondage) is also non-existent, and thus our desire torunawaywill subside, and we will be perfectly contentedtoremainwhere we are. This is similar to the subsidence of sphurana, thestate in which perfect clarity of self-awareness is foundtobeour real nature rather than something new. This is our naturalstate (sahaja sthiti), in which we are perfectly content tobejustas we are.

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In Nan Yar? (Who am I?) Bhagavan says that unless perceptionof the world-appearance ceases, self cannot be knownasitreally is. However, even if the world is perceived, it showsthatself is known, because it is perceived only because ‘I am’. Thisis why Bhagavan says in verse 6 of Arunachala Astakam: ‘[...]O Hill of Grace, let them appear or not appear [what doesitmatter?] Apart from you, they do not exist!’ It is the natureofthe mind to wander and know many things, but whydoesthatworry you? Because you identify this mind as ‘I’, youfeel yourattention is wandering. But are you this mind? Youarethatwhich knows the mind.

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Bhagavan often used the term udasina bhava, whichmeansanattitude of indifference, and it is necessary for us tohavesuchan attitude towards the mind

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The mind’s attention is always knowing something, but whatyou must understand is that the mind has no power of attentionof its own. The mind’s power of attention exists onlybecausewe attend to the mind. If instead you attend to that whichknows the mind, how can the wandering of the mindaffect you?

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Onhislastevening he hadn’t opened his eyes for two hours, but at about 8pm when we started to sing Aksharamanamalai withits refrain,‘Arunachala Siva’, he opened his eyes for a fewmoments, andfrom then till 8.47 tears of devotion were pouringdownhischeeks. He left his body as we were singing verse 72: Protectme, Arunachala, being the support for me to cling to, sothat Imay not droop down like a tender creeper without anythingtocling to

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Because the jnani knows that self alone really exists, hedoesnot see anything as non-self, and hence he knows that eventhebody is ‘I’ and even the world is real. However, we shouldtakecare not to misunderstand the jnani’s statement that theworldis real. What the jnani sees as real is just the ‘is’-ness oftheworld. Both a jnani and an ajnani will say, ‘This is a table’, butthe ajnani sees only its form and therefore mistakes its ‘is’-nessto be a property of that form, whereas in the viewof thejnanionly ‘is’-ness [being or sat] is real, so the table is nothingotherthan that infinite, indivisible and hence formless ‘is’-ness.

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During sadhana, we have to reject everything other than‘I’asanatma [non-self or ‘not myself’], but when we experience‘I’as it really is, we will discover that nothing is other thanit. Thepractice of rejecting everything other than ‘I’ by not attendingto any such thing is sometimes described as anascendingprocess, whereas the state of true self-knowledge, inwhicheverything is experienced as not other than ‘I’ is sometimesdescribed as a descending process, though it is not actuallya‘process’ but our natural state of being.

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18th January 1978 Sadhu Om: The self-attention we practise in the midst of otheractivities will not be very deep or intense, so we shouldalsosetaside time to practise it more intensely. When we doso, ouraim should be to turn our attention 180° away fromotherthings towards self. If we once succeed in turning our attention180° towards self, we will experience perfect clarityof self-awareness, unsullied by even to slightest awareness of anyother thing. This is the state of true self-knowledge, whichwillcompletely destroy the illusion that we are this mind, soafterthis the illusion of experiencing anything other than‘I’ cannever return.

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Some ripe aspirants do not need even to make suchincessantefforts to turn selfwards, because they always remainvigilantlyaware of self, waiting for the moment when they cantaketheirfinal leap, the complete 180° turn towards self.

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When I was first taught by Janaki Matha to practisedualisticforms of meditation such as murti-dhyana [meditationuponaform of God], I found that continuous practice of suchmeditation caused me to have visions and other suchdivineexperiences, but I soon understood that that was not thewaytoexperience self. Only svarupa-dhyana [meditationuponself,

which is another term Bhagavan used to describe thepracticeof atma-vichara] can enable one to experience self as it reallyis.

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This is why Bhagavan says inverse10of Upadesa Undiyar and verse 14 of UlladuNarpaduAnubandham: Being, having subsided in the place fromwhich[we] rose – that is karma and bhakti, that is yoga andjnana.

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For example, some writers imagine sphurana to be somesort of‘pulsation’, ‘throbbing’ or ‘vibration’ in the heart, sotheyhavewritten that this is what we should hold on to. However,anything that pulsates, throbs or vibrates is obviouslysomething other than the ‘I’ who experiences it, soit is onlyasecond person. The experience of ‘I’, the first person, issuchthat it cannot be described in any way. When Bhagavanusedthe term sphurana, he meant only aham-sphurana [theclearshining of ‘I’], which is not a new knowledge of anythingotherthan ‘I’, but only a new knowledge of ‘I’, our own self. That is,it is a fresh clarity of our self-awareness. It is awarenessofthesame ‘I’ that we always experience, but it is experiencedwithafresh degree of clarity. Because it is such a clarity, whenit isexperienced no doubts will rise about it, just as whenyou are

fully satisfied after eating a sumptuous meal no doubt canrisein your mind about whether or not you are still hungry. Onceexperienced, the clarity called sphurana can never be forgotten,and if we hold on to it firmly, it will automaticallyleadustoour sahaja sthiti [natural state]

In a quiet mind many truths about past and future eventsmaybe known, but this is not a siddhi [an attainment of adesiredsupernatural power] because it happens only in the absenceofany volition or desire for such an experience. It is likewiseonlyin a calm and quiet mind that Bhagavan’s silent teachingscanbe received. They are not received in words but onlyasaninner clarity of understanding, and they give us suchastrongconviction that no one can ever shake our trust inwhat wediscover through them. However much we may struggletodoso, we cannot find words to express the clarity we discoverthrough the power of his silence

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If we only want whatever he gives us, then fromthisverymoment we can live free from all cares and worries, becausenothing can ever happen that is not his will, so we will happilyaccept whatever may happen. 

Thus there is nodifferencebetween self-abidance and complete self-surrender. 

If weabideas self, we will experience nothing other than self 

andhencethere will be no identification with a body, so howcanwethendesire or pray for the removal of pain or for anythingelse?

Likewise, if we surrender to him, we will have nodesiresorconcerns, so how can we then pray for anything?

If our will and desires are perfectly attuned with his will, whatcan our vasanas [inclinations or propensities] do to obstruct hiswork? 

A genuine willingness to surrender to his will will effectively neutralise the power of all our other vasanas.

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Bhagavan expresses in verse 39 of Sri ArunachalaAksharamanamalai: ‘O Arunachala, by what power canI, whoam worse than a dog, seek and reach you!

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Therefore paths other than atma-vicara are only for thosewhodo not understand that eradication of one’s individualityisthegoal, and that vicara is the only means by whichwecanachieve this goal. Such people are not true aspirants, becausewe only become aspirants when we have genuine lovetomakethis ‘I’ subside, for which atma-vicara is the only means.

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Atma-vicara appears to be ‘intellectual self-analysis’ only in the  view of those who do not have sufficient mental purity to understand 

that we can know ourself only by attending to ourself,

 and consequently to have true love for self-attention,which alone is the correct practice of vicara

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In verse 885 of Guru Vacaka Kovai he says: Except [by] the path of investigating the vital awareness[‘Iam’], whatever effort is made by other means beginningwithkarma, one will not attain and enjoy self, the treasure shininginthe heart. In verse 17 of Upadesa Undiyar he says: When [anyone] scrutinises the formof the mindwithoutforgetting, [it will become clear that] there is no suchthingas‘mind’. For everyone this is the direct path

Likewise, in Maharshi’s Gospel (Book 2, chapter 1) it isrecorded that he said:

Whatever form your enquiry may take, you must finallycometo the one I, the Self. [...]

Self-enquiry is the one infallible means, the only direct one, torealise the unconditioned, Absolute Being that youreallyare.[...] every kind of sadhana [spiritual practice] except that ofatma-vichara presupposes the retention of the mindastheinstrument for carrying on the sadhana, and without theminditcannot be practised. The ego may take different andsubtlerforms at the different stages of one’s practice, but is itself neverdestroyed. [...] The attempt to destroy the ego or themindthrough sadhanas other than atma-vichara is just likethethiefassuming the guise of a policeman to catch the thief, that ishimself. Atma-vichara alone can reveal the truth that neitherthe ego nor the mind really exists, and enables one torealisethe pure, undifferentiated Being of the Self or the Absolute.

[...] To be the Self that you really are is the onlymeanstorealise the bliss that is ever yours

Since self is aware of nothing other than itself, ‘I am’, ‘to be the  Self’ simply means to be aware of nothing but ‘I’ alone,which is all that the practice of atma-vicara entails. 

AsBhagavan says in verse 26 of Upadesa Undiyar: ‘Beingselfalone is knowing self, because self is not two. […]’.

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Because of our desire to be constantly experiencingsomethingother than just ‘I’, it may seem difficult for us toexperienceonly ‘I’, but Bhagavan assures us that this is actuallyveryeasy– much easier than any other means by which we maytrytoattain liberation. This is emphatically affirmed by himinverse4 of Atma-Vidya Kirtanam:

To untie the bonds beginning with karma, [and] toriseabovethe ruin beginning with birth, rather than whatever [other] path,this path [atma-vicara] is exceedingly easy. When [one] just is,having settled down without even the least actionof mind,speech or body, ah, in [one’s] heart the light of self [will shineforth]. [This is our] eternal experience. Fear will not exist. Theocean of bliss alone [will remain]. ([Therefore] ah, thescienceof self is extremely easy, ah, extremely easy!) Everyothersadhana entails doing some action (karma) by mind, speechorbody, whereas atma-vicara entails the mind subsidingwithoutthe least action by focusing its entire attention on its source, ‘Iam’. Therefore, whereas any other sadhana is a practiceof

‘doing’, atma-vicara is the practice of just being as wereallyare – with perfect clarity of self-awareness. Hence, sincebeingis easier than doing, atma-vicara is the easiest

The purpose of niskamya puja, japa and dhyana, andofallsadhanas other than atma-vicara, is only to purifythemind.Purification of mind is the sole benefit that can be gainedfromany such sadhanas, because none of themcan ever byitselfdestroy the ego. The benefit

of a purified mind is that ‘it shows the path to liberation’, asBhagavan says in verse 3 of Upadesa Undiyar. That is, itenables the mind to discriminate, understand andbefirmlyconvinced that atma-vicara alone is the path to liberation.

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Thus, when Sri Bhagavan says in Maharshi’s Gospel (Book2,chapter 1), ‘Atma-vichara alone can reveal the truththat neitherthe ego nor the mind really exists’, he is not beingpartial, noris he criticising other sadhanas. He is merely assertingthetruththat though other sadhanas can purify the mind, theycannotdestroy it. Therefore, we should not confuse these pathsformental purification with ‘the path to liberation’, whichisthe

‘one path’ taught by Bhagavan – the path he describesasorvazhi [the ‘one path’ or the ‘path of investigation’] inverse14of Upadesa Undiyar.

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A true aspirant is one whose mind is sufficiently purified to understand that atma-vicara alone can be ‘the path to liberation’, and therefore to love to practice it. 

Those who cannot understand this are at best just devotees of God 

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Bhagavan says that atma-vicara is the direct path, not becausehe expects us to attack the mind directly, but becauseheexpects us to turn directly towards self, ‘I am’, andbythusremaining in self to ignore the mind. Thus atma-vicarais, sotospeak, avoiding and hiding from the mind instead of fightingitface to face. This is what is signified by Rama’s methodofkilling Vali.

Vali had a boon that he would receive half of the strengthofanyone he faced in battle, so he was automaticallymorepowerful than any opponent he had to face. ThereforeevenRama could not have killed him in face-to-face combat, sohehad to hide behind a tree and shoot himfrombehind. Just asVali gained half the strength of his opponent, if we trytofightthe mind in direct combat, we will be giving it half of ourstrength, because our attention is what sustains and nourishesit,so the more we attend to it (that is, to its constant flowofthoughts), the more we are giving it strength. Thereforetheonly way to destroy the mind is by attending onlyto‘I’ andthereby ignoring all the other thoughts that constitute themind.

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Sadhu Om: When the reality is the truth of our ownbeing, howcan training the mind to attend to any second or thirdperson(anything other than ourself) help us to attain that reality?

Someone whose mind is thus attached to any name or form will not be able to understand even intellectually what self-attention actually is. 

Even if he can enjoy the company of the name and form of his beloved God, how does that help him?

Ramakrishna once said that even if God wants to take ustoself,he cannot unless we want him to. Only by our ownlikingandeffort to practise self-attention can we attaintrueself-knowledge (atma-jnana).

The aim towards which the whole universe is strivingisnothing but the subsidence of thought, because happinessisexperienced only to the extent to which thought subsides. Thecomplete subsidence of thought is experienced by all beingsinsleep, and hence everyone is perfectly happy in that state, butbecause we attend only to second and third persons inthewaking and dream states, we fail to discriminate properlyandthereby to understand that what we are seeking is onlythesubsidence of thought. Bhagavan points out our mistakeand

tells us that we should try to experience in the wakingstatethehappiness which we experienced in sleep. Howcanwedoso?In sleep we did not attend to any second or third persons, butexperienced only ourself, so we should try to do the samenow.

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All other spiritual practices (sadhanas) require blindbeliefinsomething that we do not know, because they needustobelieve that something other than ourself can lead us toourself.The practice of self-attention is the only path whichis clearlycharted and scientific, 

because it is the only path in which the [causal] connection between the practice (attending to Self) and the goal (knowing self) is self-evident.

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Sadhu Om: Bhagavan does not ask us to believe anythingnew.He simply points out the obvious truth that we loveonlyourself, and that our love for other things (body, mind, God,and the things of the world) is a mere pretence, becausewelove them only for the sake of ourself. He says that if wewantto be happy, we should stop pretending that we love anythingother than self, and we should let our love for self be wholeandnot partial.

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That is, in verse 8 of Upadesa Undiyar Bhagavansaysthatrather than anya-bhava (meditation upon anythingother than‘I’), ananya-bhava (meditation upon nothing other than‘I’)isthe best among all forms of meditation. What he meansbyananya-bhava is only atma-vicara [self-investigationor self-enquiry], because atma-vicara is the practice of meditatingonlyon ‘I’, whereas every other practice involves meditatingonorattending to something other than ‘I’.

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