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If God is experienced or known as other than the knower, hebecomes an object of knowledge and as such he dependsforhis existence upon the knower. 

Since the knower is unreal, sotoo is whatever it knows. 

Therefore, the absolute realityor Godcan only be known truly by the knower being onewithit.

When the knower and the known are both resolved intotheonereality, that is true knowledge.

Therefore Bhagavan is discussingthese three ‘places’ when he says in verse 14of UlladuNarpadu: If the first person (tanmai) exists, the secondandthird persons (munnilai- padarkkaigal) will exist. If thefirstperson ceases to exist [because of] oneself investigatingthetruth of the first person, the second and third personcometoan

end, and tanmai [the real ‘selfness’], which shines asone[undivided by the appearance of the three seeminglyseparatepersons or ‘places’], alone is one’s [true] state, whichis self.

Therefore ‘I am’ is the true tanmai, and ‘I amso-and-so’ isathief, a second person posing as if it were the first personortanmai. True knowledge (jnana) is attained only whenthebodyand person that were taken to be ‘I’, the first person, arerecognised to be second persons, things that are not ‘I’.

One important point to note here in this verse is that Bhagavandoes not say that this false first person, the ego, actuallyexists,but only says conditionally: ‘If the first person exists ...’. Henever actually accepted its existence.

Until they come to Bhagavan, people generally believethat selfwill be experienced if they get rid of all thoughts, whicharesecond or third persons. They don’t understand that thefirstperson, which is the root of all thoughts, must alsogo. That iswhy when some people come and ask me what myexperienceis, I say that I do not have any experience, becauseintheabsence of an experiencer there can be no experience.

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However, onlythetermisnew, because after some time you will understandthat self-attention is ever going on. It is our eternal nature, becauseselfis never unaware of itself.

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When we first discover that the third wall does not exist, wewill desire to run in that direction in order to escape fromtheprison. This is similar to the experience of sphurana, thefreshclarity of self-awareness that arises when we investigatethefirst person or present moment.

But guru then makes us seethat

since the third wall is actually non-existent, our imprisonment(bondage) is also non-existent, and thus our desire torunawaywill subside, and we will be perfectly contentedtoremainwhere we are. This is similar to the subsidence of sphurana, thestate in which perfect clarity of self-awareness is foundtobeour real nature rather than something new. This is our naturalstate (sahaja sthiti), in which we are perfectly content tobejustas we are.

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In Nan Yar? (Who am I?) Bhagavan says that unless perceptionof the world-appearance ceases, self cannot be knownasitreally is. However, even if the world is perceived, it showsthatself is known, because it is perceived only because ‘I am’. Thisis why Bhagavan says in verse 6 of Arunachala Astakam: ‘[...]O Hill of Grace, let them appear or not appear [what doesitmatter?] Apart from you, they do not exist!’ It is the natureofthe mind to wander and know many things, but whydoesthatworry you? Because you identify this mind as ‘I’, youfeel yourattention is wandering. But are you this mind? Youarethatwhich knows the mind.

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Bhagavan often used the term udasina bhava, whichmeansanattitude of indifference, and it is necessary for us tohavesuchan attitude towards the mind

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The mind’s attention is always knowing something, but whatyou must understand is that the mind has no power of attentionof its own. The mind’s power of attention exists onlybecausewe attend to the mind. If instead you attend to that whichknows the mind, how can the wandering of the mindaffect you?

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Onhislastevening he hadn’t opened his eyes for two hours, but at about 8pm when we started to sing Aksharamanamalai withits refrain,‘Arunachala Siva’, he opened his eyes for a fewmoments, andfrom then till 8.47 tears of devotion were pouringdownhischeeks. He left his body as we were singing verse 72: Protectme, Arunachala, being the support for me to cling to, sothat Imay not droop down like a tender creeper without anythingtocling to

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Because the jnani knows that self alone really exists, hedoesnot see anything as non-self, and hence he knows that eventhebody is ‘I’ and even the world is real. However, we shouldtakecare not to misunderstand the jnani’s statement that theworldis real. What the jnani sees as real is just the ‘is’-ness oftheworld. Both a jnani and an ajnani will say, ‘This is a table’, butthe ajnani sees only its form and therefore mistakes its ‘is’-nessto be a property of that form, whereas in the viewof thejnanionly ‘is’-ness [being or sat] is real, so the table is nothingotherthan that infinite, indivisible and hence formless ‘is’-ness.

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During sadhana, we have to reject everything other than‘I’asanatma [non-self or ‘not myself’], but when we experience‘I’as it really is, we will discover that nothing is other thanit. Thepractice of rejecting everything other than ‘I’ by not attendingto any such thing is sometimes described as anascendingprocess, whereas the state of true self-knowledge, inwhicheverything is experienced as not other than ‘I’ is sometimesdescribed as a descending process, though it is not actuallya‘process’ but our natural state of being.

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18th January 1978 Sadhu Om: The self-attention we practise in the midst of otheractivities will not be very deep or intense, so we shouldalsosetaside time to practise it more intensely. When we doso, ouraim should be to turn our attention 180° away fromotherthings towards self. If we once succeed in turning our attention180° towards self, we will experience perfect clarityof self-awareness, unsullied by even to slightest awareness of anyother thing. This is the state of true self-knowledge, whichwillcompletely destroy the illusion that we are this mind, soafterthis the illusion of experiencing anything other than‘I’ cannever return.

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Some ripe aspirants do not need even to make suchincessantefforts to turn selfwards, because they always remainvigilantlyaware of self, waiting for the moment when they cantaketheirfinal leap, the complete 180° turn towards self.

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When I was first taught by Janaki Matha to practisedualisticforms of meditation such as murti-dhyana [meditationuponaform of God], I found that continuous practice of suchmeditation caused me to have visions and other suchdivineexperiences, but I soon understood that that was not thewaytoexperience self. Only svarupa-dhyana [meditationuponself,

which is another term Bhagavan used to describe thepracticeof atma-vichara] can enable one to experience self as it reallyis.

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This is why Bhagavan says inverse10of Upadesa Undiyar and verse 14 of UlladuNarpaduAnubandham: Being, having subsided in the place fromwhich[we] rose – that is karma and bhakti, that is yoga andjnana.

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For example, some writers imagine sphurana to be somesort of‘pulsation’, ‘throbbing’ or ‘vibration’ in the heart, sotheyhavewritten that this is what we should hold on to. However,anything that pulsates, throbs or vibrates is obviouslysomething other than the ‘I’ who experiences it, soit is onlyasecond person. The experience of ‘I’, the first person, issuchthat it cannot be described in any way. When Bhagavanusedthe term sphurana, he meant only aham-sphurana [theclearshining of ‘I’], which is not a new knowledge of anythingotherthan ‘I’, but only a new knowledge of ‘I’, our own self. That is,it is a fresh clarity of our self-awareness. It is awarenessofthesame ‘I’ that we always experience, but it is experiencedwithafresh degree of clarity. Because it is such a clarity, whenit isexperienced no doubts will rise about it, just as whenyou are

fully satisfied after eating a sumbaticallyleadustoour sahaja sthiti [natural state]

In a quiet mind many truths about past and future eventsmaybe known, but this is not a siddhi [an attainment of adesiredsupernatural power] because it happens only in the absenceofany volition or desire for such an experience. It is likewiseonlyin a calm and quiet mind that Bhagavan’s silent teachingscanbe received. They are not received in words but onlyasaninner clarity of understanding, and they give us suchastrongconviction that no one can ever shake our trust inwhat wediscover through them. However much we may struggletodoso, we cannot find words to express the clarity we discoverthrough the power of his silence

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If we only want whatever he gives us, then fromthisverymoment we can live free from all cares and worries, becausenothing can ever happen that is not his will, so we will happilyaccept whatever may happen. 

Thus there is nodifferencebetween self-abidance and complete self-surrender. 

If weabideas self, we will experience nothing other than self 

andhencethere will be no identification with a body, so howcanwethendesire or pray for the removal of pain or for anythingelse?

Likewise, if we surrender to him, we will have nodesiresorconcerns, so how can we then pray for anything?

If our will and desires are perfectly attuned with his will, whatcan our vasanas [inclinations or propensities] do to obstruct hiswork? 

A genuine willingness to surrender to his will will effectively neutralise the power of all our other vasanas.

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Bhagavan expresses in verse 39 of Sri ArunachalaAksharamanamalai: ‘O Arunachala, by what power canI, whoam worse than a dog, seek and reach you!

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Therefore paths other than atma-vicara are only for thosewhodo not understand that eradication of one’s individualityisthegoal, and that vicara is the only means by whichwecanachieve this goal. Such people are not true aspirants, becausewe only become aspirants when we have genuine lovetomakethis ‘I’ subside, for which atma-vicara is the only means.

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Atma-vicara appears to be ‘intellectual self-analysis’ only in the  view of those who do not have sufficient mental purity to understand 

that we can know ourself only by attending to ourself,

 and consequently to have true love for self-attention,which alone is the correct practice of vicara

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In verse 885 of Guru Vacaka Kovai he says: Except [by] the path of investigating the vital awareness[‘Iam’], whatever effort is made by other means beginningwithkarma, one will not attain and enjoy self, the treasure shininginthe heart. In verse 17 of Upadesa Undiyar he says: When [anyone] scrutinises the formof the mindwithoutforgetting, [it will become clear that] there is no suchthingas‘mind’. For everyone this is the direct path

Likewise, in Maharshi’s Gospel (Book 2, chapter 1) it isrecorded that he said:

Whatever form your enquiry may take, you must finallycometo the one I, the Self. [...]

Self-enquiry is the one infallible means, the only direct one, torealise the unconditioned, Absolute Being that youreallyare.[...] every kind of sadhana [spiritual practice] except that ofatma-vichara presupposes the retention of the mindastheinstrument for carrying on the sadhana, and without theminditcannot be practised. The ego may take different andsubtlerforms at the different stages of one’s practice, but is itself neverdestroyed. [...] The attempt to destroy the ego or themindthrough sadhanas other than atma-vichara is just likethethiefassuming the guise of a policeman to catch the thief, that ishimself. Atma-vichara alone can reveal the truth that neitherthe ego nor the mind really exists, and enables one torealisethe pure, undifferentiated Being of the Self or the Absolute.

[...] To be the Self that you really are is the onlymeanstorealise the bliss that is ever yours

Since self is aware of nothing other than itself, ‘I am’, ‘to be the  Self’ simply means to be aware of nothing but ‘I’ alone,which is all that the practice of atma-vicara entails. 

AsBhagavan says in verse 26 of Upadesa Undiyar: ‘Beingselfalone is knowing self, because self is not two. […]’.

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Because of our desire to be constantly experiencingsomethingother than just ‘I’, it may seem difficult for us toexperienceonly ‘I’, but Bhagavan assures us that this is actuallyveryeasy– much easier than any other means by which we maytrytoattain liberation. This is emphatically affirmed by himinverse4 of Atma-Vidya Kirtanam:

To untie the bonds beginning with karma, [and] toriseabovethe ruin beginning with birth, rather than whatever [other] path,this path [atma-vicara] is exceedingly easy. When [one] just is,having settled down without even the least actionof mind,speech or body, ah, in [one’s] heart the light of self [will shineforth]. [This is our] eternal experience. Fear will not exist. Theocean of bliss alone [will remain]. ([Therefore] ah, thescienceof self is extremely easy, ah, extremely easy!) Everyothersadhana entails doing some action (karma) by mind, speechorbody, whereas atma-vicara entails the mind subsidingwithoutthe least action by focusing its entire attention on its source, ‘Iam’. Therefore, whereas any other sadhana is a practiceof

‘doing’, atma-vicara is the practice of just being as wereallyare – with perfect clarity of self-awareness. Hence, sincebeingis easier than doing, atma-vicara is the easiest

The purpose of niskamya puja, japa and dhyana, andofallsadhanas other than atma-vicara, is only to purifythemind.Purification of mind is the sole benefit that can be gainedfromany such sadhanas, because none of themcan ever byitselfdestroy the ego. The benefit

of a purified mind is that ‘it shows the path to liberation’, asBhagavan says in verse 3 of Upadesa Undiyar. That is, itenables the mind to discriminate, understand andbefirmlyconvinced that atma-vicara alone is the path to liberation.

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Thus, when Sri Bhagavan says in Maharshi’s Gospel (Book2,chapter 1), ‘Atma-vichara alone can reveal the truththat neitherthe ego nor the mind really exists’, he is not beingpartial, noris he criticising other sadhanas. He is merely assertingthetruththat though other sadhanas can purify the mind, theycannotdestroy it. Therefore, we should not confuse these pathsformental purification with ‘the path to liberation’, whichisthe

‘one path’ taught by Bhagavan – the path he describesasorvazhi [the ‘one path’ or the ‘path of investigation’] inverse14of Upadesa Undiyar.

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A true aspirant is one whose mind is sufficiently purified to understand that atma-vicara alone can be ‘the path to liberation’, and therefore to love to practice it. 

Those who cannot understand this are at best just devotees of God 

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Bhagavan says that atma-vicara is the direct path, not becausehe expects us to attack the mind directly, but becauseheexpects us to turn directly towards self, ‘I am’, andbythusremaining in self to ignore the mind. Thus atma-vicarais, sotospeak, avoiding and hiding from the mind instead of fightingitface to face. This is what is signified by Rama’s methodofkilling Vali.

Vali had a boon that he would receive half of the strengthofanyone he faced in battle, so he was automaticallymorepowerful than any opponent he had to face. ThereforeevenRama could not have killed him in face-to-face combat, sohehad to hide behind a tree and shoot himfrombehind. Just asVali gained half the strength of his opponent, if we trytofightthe mind in direct combat, we will be giving it half of ourstrength, because our attention is what sustains and nourishesit,so the more we attend to it (that is, to its constant flowofthoughts), the more we are giving it strength. Thereforetheonly way to destroy the mind is by attending onlyto‘I’ andthereby ignoring all the other thoughts that constitute themind.

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Sadhu Om: When the reality is the truth of our ownbeing, howcan training the mind to attend to any second or thirdperson(anything other than ourself) help us to attain that reality?

Someone whose mind is thus attached to any name or form will not be able to understand even intellectually what self-attention actually is. 

Even if he can enjoy the company of the name and form of his beloved God, how does that help him?

Ramakrishna once said that even if God wants to take ustoself,he cannot unless we want him to. Only by our ownlikingandeffort to practise self-attention can we attaintrueself-knowledge (atma-jnana).

The aim towards which the whole universe is strivingisnothing but the subsidence of thought, because happinessisexperienced only to the extent to which thought subsides. Thecomplete subsidence of thought is experienced by all beingsinsleep, and hence everyone is perfectly happy in that state, butbecause we attend only to second and third persons inthewaking and dream states, we fail to discriminate properlyandthereby to understand that what we are seeking is onlythesubsidence of thought. Bhagavan points out our mistakeand

tells us that we should try to experience in the wakingstatethehappiness which we experienced in sleep. Howcanwedoso?In sleep we did not attend to any second or third persons, butexperienced only ourself, so we should try to do the samenow.

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All other spiritual practices (sadhanas) require blindbeliefinsomething that we do not know, because they needustobelieve that something other than ourself can lead us toourself.The practice of self-attention is the only path whichis clearlycharted and scientific, 

because it is the only path in which the [causal] connection between the practice (attending to Self) and the goal (knowing self) is self-evident.

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Sadhu Om: Bhagavan does not ask us to believe anythingnew.He simply points out the obvious truth that we loveonlyourself, and that our love for other things (body, mind, God,and the things of the world) is a mere pretence, becausewelove them only for the sake of ourself. He says that if wewantto be happy, we should stop pretending that we love anythingother than self, and we should let our love for self be wholeandnot partial.

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That is, in verse 8 of Upadesa Undiyar Bhagavansaysthatrather than anya-bhava (meditation upon anythingother than‘I’), ananya-bhava (meditation upon nothing other than‘I’)isthe best among all forms of meditation. What he meansbyananya-bhava is only atma-vicara [self-investigationor self-enquiry], because atma-vicara is the practice of meditatingonlyon ‘I’, whereas every other practice involves meditatingonorattending to something other than ‘I’.

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Self-attention is the sole aim of all Bhagavan’s teachings. He taught us that self alone exists and is real, and that all else  is a dream, a figment of our imagination. He said, ‘Attend to that for which you came’; we came for knowing self and not for learning many theories.

Bhagavan has given us a simple teaching: ‘Your own self-awareness is the only thing that seems to be permanent.

Therefore do research on it alone: attend to it, and cling to it

firmly’. Though this teaching is simple, it is the greatest of all treasures.

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Grace acts by persistently reminding us of self. 

To forget self (that is, to attend to anything else) is misery; to remember self is peace or bliss. 

Whenever any doubts, questions or new ideas arise, reflect on whether they could arise in your sleep. Obviously they could not, so they are external to you. 

Therefore forget them and remain as you were in sleep. The mind is controlled effectively by knowledge alone. Rootout all disturbances by keen and sharp discrimination. Donottry to rely on forcible control.

Krishna said that he will attend to the needs of those who always meditate only on him without thinking of anything else(). 

What does this mean? He is our real self, and nothing is other than him, so he can only attend to himself. If we also attend only to Self, without thinking of anything else, where are any‘needs’? Other than ourself, nothing is real, so we should attend only to self.

When Ramasami Pillai asked Bhagavan which thoughts should be rejected as bad and which should be accepted as good, hereplied, ‘Reject all thoughts, even the thought of Bhagavan’. Never think you are a beginner in the early stages of sādhana.Always act as if the dawn of self-knowledge might come any moment.

We will be standing on our own feet only when we areabletoreject all disturbances – come what may –bykeendiscrimination. Then all books, satsaṅg and other outwardaidswill be unnecessary. Whatever disturbances may come, remember that theyarebecause ‘I am’. As a result of our daily practice, the thought ‘Iam’ will immediately pull us back to self-attention.

There are no straight routes to our goal. That is, arigidorformal approach is impossible, because self-enquiryis anart,and each situation must be dealt with in an appropriatemanner

as it arises.

Bhagavan has given us an armoury of weaponssuited to each situation, so when the shield does not workusethe sword. When the mind is agitated an attitude of surrendermay help, but when the mind is quiet do not think, ‘I shouldsurrender; how to do so?’ but instead use that quietnesstoabide as self.

There is no such thing as ‘partial surrender’. Surrender isonlyreal surrender when it is complete. What is called‘partialsurrender’ is only a practice aiming at complete surrender, andthat practice is the correct discrimination in any givensituationthat will lead the mind back to self-attention.

‘I am’ is boththewayand the goal (as Bhagavan teaches us in verse 579of GuruVācaka Kovai).

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A true aspirant will understand that ‘I am’ is the guru

Bhagavan used to say that the body of the guruis aveilcovering him in the view of his devotees, because it concealsfrom them his true form as self. What advantage dodevoteeswho were blessed to be in his physical presence have now?Allthey now have is a memory, which is no better thana dream. Ifthey think proudly, ‘I have seen Bhagavan’, that is just anotheropportunity for their ego to rise.

To have come to Bhagavan is a sign of our ignorance, but heremoves that ignorance by enabling us to understandthat hispresence is not limited to any place here or there, becauseitalone exists. He does not allow us to cling to anythingexternal,but makes us discriminate and understand that ‘I am’ aloneiseternal, and that the guru therefore cannot be anythingotherthan that.

I am now so well soaked in Bhagavan’s teachings, sofirmlyconvinced by them, that I cannot take serious interest inanyother guru or teaching. But this is not a fault, becausesuchastrong conviction is necessary

We must be careful not to feed the ‘I’ inanyway.That is an important part of spiritual practice (sādhana). Atevery twist and turn, we must be alert against the risingof this‘I’. To sit in the hall [Bhagavan’s ‘old hall’ in Ramanasramam]is good, but it is also necessary to watch all the time that wedonot feed ‘I’.

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To be constantly self-effacing in everywayisasure means to samādhi.

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In order to be free, we only need to experience our beingasitreally is for just one moment. When an aspirant is sufficientlymatured through the school of bhakti, the guru will givethefinal tap, and thus he will be promoted to the fifthstandard,which is liberation (mōkṣa). That may happen at anymoment.

The love to abide as self is the real sign of guru-bhakti.

In the English translation of Who Am I? in Words of Gracetheworld is said to appear or be perceived ‘as anapparentobjective reality’ (which is a term that Bhagavan didnot useinthe Tamil original). What does ‘objective reality’ mean?Objects have the same degree of reality as the subject, but bothare unreal. Reality is neither objective nor subjective

Even Krishna talks of the earnest enquirer passing ontoenjoycelestial worlds and then returning to do sadhana inthis world,as if all these worlds existed in our absence.

Bhagavan said that not only does self not knowother things,but it does not even know itself. 

Knowing is part of a dyad

(knowing or not knowing) and a triad (knower, knowingandwhat is known), but self is just being, and hence devoidofallforms of doing, including knowing. Being is knowing, but notin the ordinary sense of this word, which refers toanaction.Therefore when Bhagavan said that self does not evenknowitself, he meant that its self-awareness is not an actionbut itsnatural state of just being. He did not mean that it doesnotknow ‘I am’, but that it is devoid of knowing as we commonlyconceive it

True deva-bhakti is not toriseasaseparate self in the first place, 

even to surrender that selftoGod.

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In verse 29 of Upadesa Undiyar he sang, ‘Abiding inthisstate[of self-knowledge], [which is] the way to experiencesupremebliss devoid of [any thought of] bondage or liberation, isabiding in the service of God’. By abiding thus, without risingas a separate ‘I’, we are sparing God the trouble of havingtosave us from our own self-created ignorance. This is thebestservice we can do for him, and is therefore the onlyreal deva-bhakti.

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Sadhu Om: The mind will always feel that self-attentionisdifficult, because it can never attend to self. Onlyself canattend to self

Sastra-vasana (the disposition to study numerous spiritual andphilosophical texts) is created only if one does nomorethansravana (reading) and superficial manana (reflection). Ifalearned pandit who seeks name and fame did a littledeepmanana, he would reflect thus: ‘If brahman, the one self, aloneexists, why do I want the appreciation of others? Whereareanyothers? Who am I?’ If reflection on the guru’s words isdoneonly as an aid to practical sadhana, it will not create anysastra-vasanas. The guru’s words will always turn the mindbacktoself-attention, because they all point only to self

For a young and earnest aspirant whose mind is still fresh, onlya little manana is needed. Whenever his mind strays outwardshe will reflect, ‘All that is perceived through the five sensesisknown by me, so knowledge of anything only indicatesthat Iam’, and thus he will easily restore his self-attention.

During nididhyasana (contemplation on self) a littlemanana(that is, just a few thoughts) can sometimes help toprevent themind from straying away from self-attention, but ultimatelyallthese aids must go. In Who Am I? Bhagavan says that atimewill come when we will have to forget everything that wehavelearnt. To forget second and third persons (everythingotherthan ourself) is peaceful; to remember themis troublesome.

When he was young, Natanananadar once said toanolderdevotee who was asking Bhagavan many questions about howto practice atma-vicara: ‘When the infinite self-shining“I”isstanding inside you like a rock, why do you have somanydoubts?’

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19th December 1977 Sadhu Om: Dispassion (vairagya) comes onlythroughknowledge. It is cultivated by reflection (manana) anddiscrimination (viveka), and sustained by the clear convictionthat everything is ‘I’, that nothing is independent of our ownself-awareness, and that self alone exists.

Why to say that a mind or ego exists in sleep in order toknow‘nothingness’? Why not understand instead that it is self thatknows that ‘nothingness’, and that that ‘nothingness’ itselfisnothing other than self. If you can understand that, thenyoucan understand that self also knows this ‘everythingness’, andthat ‘everythingness’ is also nothing other than self. In fact no ego or mind exists even now, so why to sayit existsin sleep? There is only one ‘I’, so the ‘I’ that knows all thisisonly self. Why to admit the existence of an ego?

In Bhagavan’s path we cannot admit the existence of anystateof ‘void’ or ‘nothingness’, because in order to experiencesucha state we would have to exist in it, and hence it wouldnot bedevoid of ourself, but only of other things. Since nothingelseexists in it, it would be full of ourself, and hence purna, notsunya. To anyone who imagined they have reachedavoid,Bhagavan would say, ‘Investigate who experiencesit’.However, even that would not be necessary if we firmlyclingto self-attention.

An elderly devotee did not visit Bhagavan for a whilebecausehe thought he could become like Bhagavan on his own. Afteralong time he returned, just as Bhagavan was stitchingsomeleaf-plates, and Bhagavan said to him, ‘See, we take somuchcare to stitch these plates, but after eating fromthemwethrowthem away. Bhagavan is like a leaf-plate: only whenhehasserved his purpose should you throw himaway’. ThereforeBhagavan and the clues he has given us are necessaryuntil weexperience the dawn of self-knowledge, and after that wewillsee that we – the one self – alone exist, and that Bhagavanandhis clues are also only ourself

Our mind experiencing objects is like sunlight fallingonamirror and being reflected onto a wall. The reflection(whichislike the objects we experience) is light, the reflectingmirror(which is like our experiencing mind) is light –andwhenlooked at directly it seems to be another sun – andthesun(which is like self, the source of our mind’s light ofconsciousness) is light. Everything is light, and the light isone.Likewise, we and all that we experience are only the onelightof consciousness, which is self.

In the shade it is pleasant, in the sun it is scorching. Wealwayshave the freedom to turn within to see the light andthusenjoythe shade. When by force of old habit we wander out again, wesay to Bhagavan, ‘That was only laya, I want nasa’, andhereplies, ‘Turn again to the source and see if manynessexiststhere’. By repeatedly turning away consciouslyfromthemanyness in this way we come to see that it does not existapart from us, and that it is therefore not somethingweneedtofear. Some reach this realisation after just a fewattempts, butfor others it takes longer because their attention is not sosharpand clear.

The knowledge of second or third persons indicatesthepresence of the first person. When the world is known, thatshows that the first person is present. This is self-attentionwithout effort. A jnani is always paying attention inthisway.He is not actually paying attention, because he is self-attention.If he knows anything, he clearly knows, ‘Because I am, theseare known. Because I am, I hear this. Because I am, I smellthis’. This ‘I am’ is a constant knowledge. This constant self-attention does not fade away when he seems toattendtosecond or third persons.

This is the difference between a jnani and an ajnani. Theajnaniforgets that he is experiencing his being, whereas thejnanidoes not forget this. He is fully aware of this ‘I am’. Howcanthis awareness be there unless there is an attention?Sinceawareness and attention are one and the same, if we areawarethat ‘I am’, we are attending to ‘I am’. There will benoexertion in such self-attention, and there will benoforgetfulness of the first person even when attendingtosecondor third persons.

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So in ‘I am’, injustbeing, there is no exertion and hence no tiredness. Self-attention is our svabhava, our very nature, not our doing, notour making effort. It is constant, even in sleep.

..

The thinker is the first thought, the ‘I’-thought. Whois thinking?The ego, the first person. This first person, the first thought,rises on waking from sleep. The knowledge of the first personis the first knowledge we get on waking fromsleep. Therefore,self-attention is ever going on. Until we knowthat, wehavetomake effort to attend to self, and after knowing it, weneverhave to worry about it or anything else. Knowing self happens a split second. It makes everything, theentire universe, dissolve.

Arunachala, when I took refuge in you as [my only] God, youcompletely annihilated me. (Aksaramanamalai verse 48) ... Is there any deficiency [or grievance] for me? . . . Dowhatever you wish, my beloved, only give me ever-increasinglove for your two feet. (Navamanimalai verse 7) … What to say? Your will is my will, [and] that [alone]ishappiness for me, lord of my life. (Patikamverse 2)

25

Take for instance the first sentence of Ulladu Narpadu: ‘Exceptwhat is, does consciousness that is exist?’ To a mindthat isunaccustomed to the practice of self-attention this will seemavery abstract idea, because the first word ulladu (‘what is’orexistence) will immediately suggest the existence of things, sosuch a mind will understand this sentence to mean, ‘Unlessthings exist, can they be known?’ But Bhagavanis alwayspointing to self, so by the word ulladu he means nothingotherthan ‘I’, which is the sole reality, that which aloneactuallyexists.

However this will be immediately understood onlybythosewho are well-soaked in the practice of self-attention. Suchaperson will understand this sentence to mean, ‘Other thanwhatis (namely ‘I’), can there be any consciousness of being(anyawareness ‘am’)?’ which they will understand as implying,‘My self-awareness (cit) is not other than my being(sat)’. It isso simple, but to ordinary people it seems abstract

30

Unless you understand that self is guru, even a livinggurucannot help you. Most people who were with Bhagavandidn’tget moksha because they didn’t want it. Bhagavanteachesusthat sooner or later we must be satisfied with self, sowhynotbe satisfied with it now?

31

Bhagavan always said: ‘Do not think this bodyisme. I am shining in each one of you as ‘I’. Attend onlytothat’.

..

When I first came to Bhagavan and heard himrepeatingconstantly that everyone must eventually come to thepathofself-enquiry, I wondered whether he was being partial tohisown teaching, but I soon understood why he insistedthat thisisso. The final goal is only oneness, and to experienceonenessour mind must subside, which will happen entirelyonlywhenwe attend to nothing other than ourself.

..

So long as we attend to anything other than ourself, our mindcannot subside, because attention to other things sustainsit,since that which experiences otherness is only this mind. 

Whenthe mind subsides completely, only self-attention remains, andself-attention alone is the state of absolute oneness. Bhagavanused to repeat this teaching every day, maybe tenor twentytimes, but still we didn’t change. He didn’t change his teachingeither, because to him this truth was so clear.

The basic mistake we all make is to take a body tobe‘I’. Thisdeeply entrenched feeling ‘I am this body called so-and-so’isthe root of all our trouble. If this tape-recorder is not working, we must attend to it and not to other things, becausethen only will we be able to repair it. Likewise, torectifythismistaken identity, ‘I am so-and-so’, we must attendtoit inorder to know what it really is: what or who amI?

..

33

Sadhu Om: Devotion to God or guru as a secondor thirdperson can never give knowledge (jnana); 

devotioncanonlylead to devotion. Knowledge alone can give knowledge. ‘I am’is the only true knowledge, so attention to that alonecanleadto knowledge. Self-attention is the only true means, theultimate means.

Effort is unnecessary for self, because self-attentionis naturaland effortless. Effort is only needed for the mind. 

It is the nature of self to attend to self, and it is the nature of the mind to attend to second and third persons. 

Sadhana is only for the mind, and the effort to attend to the feeling ‘I’ is only to keep the mind quiet – in its natural state of pure self-awareness.

..

It is not strictly true to say that self-enquiry begins witheffortand ends with effortlessness, but for the sake of the sadhakawemay say so. Effort is required so long as the mind needstobereminded of its true nature, ‘I am’, but when even awarenessof

second and third persons automatically reminds one of one’sown existence, ‘I am’ [because what is aware of themis‘I’],then effort is no longer needed. When we can see onlywaveswe must make some effort to notice the ocean underlyingthem,but when we know that the waves are nothing other thantheocean, effort is not needed.

..

All thoughts contain an element of the past or futureinthem.Can you make a thought about the present moment?If youseriously try to do so, all thoughts, including the thought ‘I’,will cease. This is another clue for self-attention. Therearesomany clues, you see.

..

Such manana [cogitation or deep reflection] is essential untilyou understand thoroughly that self-attention is natural andeternal, and that all else shines by the light of that self-awareness. This manana will lead you right up to the boundary.Nididhyasana [contemplation, the practice of pureself-attention] is actually only for a moment. Whenyoureallypractise what you have heard and understood, youcrosstheboundary, and that is jnana.

..

Whatever you try toattendto,whenever your attention wanders you must drawit backtoitstarget, and this is easy to do whether that target is ‘I’ or someobject. Attending to the first person is the direct means, andattending to anything else is in no way any easier. Indeed,practising concentration on any object will only increasetheoutgoing tendency of the mind, and will thus hinder uswhenwe turn towards self.

..

41

Many people say to me, ‘This self-enquiry is difficult, soplease tell us what self-surrender is’, but in NanYar?Bhagavan says that self-attention alone is self-surrender

..

Being completely absorbed in atma-nistha [self-abidance],giving not even the slightest room to the rising of anythoughtother than atma-cintana [self-contemplation], is givingourselfto God.

..

When people ask me what meditation Bhagavan taught, I replythat meditation means thinking, but Bhagavan instructedusnotto think – to stop meditating. This is what he teaches usinthefirst mangalam verse of Ulladu Narpadu: … Since the existing reality exists without thought intheheart,who can [or how to] meditate on [that] existing reality, whichis called ‘heart’? Being as it is in the heart alone is ‘meditating’.Experience [thus].

42

Another clue for self-attention is to try to see exactlywhen,how and from what thought arises. Such attentionwillautomatically make the mind subside. Thought rises onlywhenthere is self-negligence (pramada), attention to anythingotherthan self.

43

Since this reality ‘I’ exists beyond thought, in the heart, andistherefore called ‘heart’, how to meditate upon it? This clearlyshows the absurdity of meditation. All religions teachthat weshould think of or meditate upon the reality or God, but sinceitexists beyond thought, how can we think of or meditateuponit?Bhagavan therefore teaches us that subsiding in the heart asitis – that is, as ‘I am’ – is alone ‘meditating’ upon it correctly.That is, the only way we can truly ‘meditate’ upon what isrealis to remain as we are, without thought. Since what is real isbeyond thought, thought can never take us to it. To attainit, wemust give up all thought [including the first thought, the‘I’ thatthinks] and just be as it is.

..

45

Wherethere is duality there will be doubt. Self is one, devoidofduality, so self-knowledge will allow no roomfor dualitiesordoubts. Therefore, we should avoid doing researchonGodorthe world, and should instead do research only on‘I’. ‘I’ willthen disappear along with both God and the world. Theresulting ‘state of egolessness is agreeable to everyone’ (UlladuNarpadu verse 3), as shown by our experience of sleep.

..

If ‘I’ is taken to be a form, the world andGodwillalso be experienced as forms (Ulladu Narpadu verse 4). Eventhe conception of a ‘formless’ God is a mental formor image.Nirguna dhyana or formless worship of God is a futileeffort,like a person chasing the horizon in order to touchtheall-pervading space (Sri Arunachala Ashtakamverse 3)

..

Reality cannot be found by meditation, which is attending to the mind and its images. It can only be found by non-meditation, which is self-attention. 

However, Bhagavansaidwe should not think that saguna worship [worship of Godasaform] is useless. We should practice either saguna worshiporself-attention.

..

45

In verse 4 of Ulladu Narpadu Bhagavan asks: ‘Canwhat isseen be otherwise than the eye [that sees it]?’ That is, the

nature of what is experienced cannot be different tothenatureof what experiences it. Therefore, the appearance of theworldand God depends upon the appearance of the seer, ‘I’, and their forms depend upon the seer’s form

..

‘Eye’ is also used in Tamil to mean jnana [knowledgeorconsciousness], so the ‘endless [limitless or infinite] eye’ isself,which – being limitless and formless – canseeonlylimitlessness and formlessness. Therefore, self canneverseeany name or form, nor anything other than itself. It experiencesonly formless self-awareness, ‘I am’.

...

This is expressed by Bhagavan in verse 27 of Sri ArunachalaAksharamanamalai: ‘O Arunachala, sun of bright raysthatswallows everything [the entire appearance of the universe]...’(see also Sri Arunachala Pancharatnamverse 1). That is, inthelight of pure self-awareness, which is Arunachala, theego-‘I’,the world and God will all disappear

..

When there is body-consciousness there is world-consciousness. If none of the five sheaths were experiencedas‘I’, neither the world nor God could be seen (UlladuNarpaduverse 5). The world and God are therefore createdbyourmisidentifying a body to be ‘I’. Hence the creator of boththeworld and God is only the ‘I’ that mistakes itself tobeabody,so we should investigate ‘who is this I?’ 

Fromthis wecaninferthat the world and God are only as real as the idea ‘I amthisbody’, and since this body-identification is unreal, sotooarethis world and God.

,..

We should not be put off by the strength of our vasanas andbytheir seemingly endless play. We should remember that theyappear because I am, but they do not come to trouble us duringsleep, even though we continue to exist then. ThereforeIamreal, and vasanas are unreal. With this strong convictionweshould be courageous and remain disinterested in our vasanas,and thus we should carry on self-attention undisturbed.

..

Bhagavan gave us the following definition of reality: onlythatwhich is everlasting, unchanging and self-knowingisreal.[Hence nothing other than ‘I’ is real, because everythingelseistransient, mutable and known not by itself but only by‘I’.]

..

48

However, because God does not appear as an object perceivedthrough the five senses, we say we do not believe inhim. Thisis like saying that we see the pictures on the cinema screen, butdo not see the light that illumines them. The worldisthosepictures, and God is the self-knowing light, ‘I am’, whichmakes the appearance of the world and the functioningofkarma possible.

..

So long as the delusion ‘I am this body’ is experiencedasreal,the world will also be experienced as real. Thereforetheonlyway to experience the unreality and non-existence of theworldis to investigate this feeling ‘I am the body’. When wedoso, itwill disappear, and then we shall no longer be troubledbythefalse appearance of this world.

Meditationisjust ameans of feeding the non-existent ‘I’. The true sadhanaistobevigilant, at all times, against the rising of this ‘I’. One way to prevent the rising of ‘I’ is to trytobehave[inwardly as well as outwardly] in every situation as youthinkBhagavan would behave. If you practice this, there will belessand less of ‘I’ and more and more of Bhagavan, until finallyyou will be swallowed by him.

49

Whenever peace is disturbed, it is due to the rising of ‘I’. 

Peacecannot be enjoyed while ‘I’ is active. Therefore the onlymeansto hold on to peace is to be self-vigilant, thus guardingagainstthe intrusion of disturbing thoughts. Self-attentionis not anactivity, but a calm state of being vigilant, keenly watching‘I’and thereby preventing the intrusion of mental activity.

Meditation, which is a mental activity, is unreal, so it canneverreveal what is real. Non-meditation, which is avoidingmentalactivity, alone can reveal the reality. In the first mangalamverse of Ulladu Narpadu Bhagavan says:

[...] Since the reality (‘I am’) exists without thought intheheart,how to meditate upon that reality, which is called‘heart’?Being in the heart as it is [that is, as ‘I am’] is alone meditating[correctly upon the reality].

Reality exists without Thought.

52

......but the best satsangaistoremain quietly as ‘I am’.

As Sankara says in Vivekacudamani [verse 364], ahundredtimes better than sravana is manana, but one lakh(ahundredthousand) times better than manana is nididhyasana(contemplation), which is just remaining attentivelyas ‘I am’.

In verse 274of GuruVachaka Kovai Bhagavan says: Those who do not have[theclarity of] mind to recognise that the jnana-guru – whoappearsas a human form [though he is actually] abiding firmlyasthesupreme space [of consciousness, ‘I am’] – is formless,[thereby] bear the yoke of wicked conduct and sin

Self-attention is the most effective means of purifyingthemind.The more you try to attend to self and the more youtherebyexperience the happiness of self-abidance, the more clearlyyouwill understand and be firmly convinced that all happinesscomes only from self, and that rising as ‘I’ is misery. 

Thusyourdesirelessness (vairagya) will increase and your attachmentstothings will become less.

......

55

In verse 26 of Upadesa Undiyar he says: ‘Beingselfalone is knowing self, because self is devoid of two. …’. Thatis, there are not two selves so that one could be knownbytheother. Since self is indivisibly single, it can knowitself onlybybeing itself. And since being conscious of itself is itsverynature, its being itself is itself its knowing itself

..

Ignorance is of two types: ‘I know’ and ‘I don’t know’. Bothdepend upon the rising ‘I’, and both disappear whenthat rising‘I’ is scrutinised. In verse 9 of Ulladu Narpadu Bhagavansays:Dyads [pairs of opposites such as knowing and not knowing]and triads [the three factors of objective knowledge: theknower, the knowing and the known] exist [only by] clingingalways to ‘one’ [namely our mind or ego, whichalone

experiences such knowledge or ignorance]. If [anyone] lookswithin the mind [to discover] what that ‘one’ is, they[thedyadsand triads] will cease to exist [because the ego onwhichtheydepend will be found to be non-existent]. Only those whohaveseen [this non-existence of the ego] are those have seenthereality. See, they will not be confused.

In the state of true knowledge (jnana) no ‘I’ can riseeithertosay ‘I know myself’ or ‘I do not know myself’. This is thetruththat Bhagavan teaches us in both verse 33 of UlladuNarpaduand verse 2 of Sri Arunachala Ashtakam:

Saying ‘I do not know myself’ [or] ‘I have knownmyself’isground for ridicule. Why? To make oneself an object known,are there two selves? Because being one is the truthofeveryone’s experience.

In verse 12 of Ulladu Narpadu Bhagavan says: That which is completely devoid of knowledge andignoranceis [true] knowledge. That which knows [anythingother thanitself] is not true knowledge. Since it shines without anything

that is other [than itself] to know or to make known, selfis[true] knowledge. Know it is not a void.

Bhagavan once told Muruganar: ‘It is not only that self doesnot know other things, it does not even knowitself as “Iamthis”’. In verse 26 of Upadesa Undiyar he says: ‘Beingselfalone is knowing self, because self is devoid of two. …’. Thatis, there are not two selves so that one could be knownbytheother. Since self is indivisibly single, it can knowitself onlybybeing itself. And since being conscious of itself is itsverynature, 

its being itself is itself its knowing itself.

In verse 8 of Ulladu Narpadu Bhagavan says: Whoever worships [it] in whatever formgiving [it] whatevername, that is the way to see that [nameless andformless]substance [the absolute reality or God] in name andform.However, know [that] knowing the reality of oneself [by]subsiding in and becoming one with the reality of that truesubstance is seeing [it] in reality

...

‘thereality of oneself’ can be correctly known onlybyoursubsiding in and becoming one with the reality of that truesubstance, which is our real self

..

Worshiping that true substance (which is also called‘thesupreme reality’ or ‘God’) in any name or formmaybeameans to see visions of it in that name and form, but it cannot

be a means to experience knowledge of the true natureof thatreality, which is devoid of any name or form. In order to know the true nature of the realityonemustknow the true nature of oneself, the knower

.................................

Existence cannot know Non-Existence

 Where to find God?

Where I 'sense' Existence.

'I' sense existence. 

so I has to be existence

I , devoid of the phenomenon.

The Pure i is existence.

Only the Pure I can sense existence.

Not the impure or the phenomenal I 

which goes by names like, mind, jiva, or an 'entity' in general

.......

only that which is of the nature of reality can reach reality.

I exist, not as the phenomenon.

But that which is at the substratum of the phenomenon.

I am conditioned to think existence as the nature of movement.

As that which occupies space and time.

existence untouched by these phenomenon is pure existence

that I am.

that i always was.

that is my real nature.

breathing, chanting, movement, bathing, cognizing, getting into intellectual discussions is not my real nature.

My real nature is being,

devoid of any phenomenon.

if i sense phenomenon and i get the urge to access it or hold it or use it as a support,

...then i shall fall a 1000 feet

be established in Existence.

because that's what you really are.

why do you try to be who you are not

and then cry?

how long have you been doing this?

why do you get attracted towards things that do not constitute existence?

..

tear off all the phenomenon.

Then is-ness will transpire as is-ness

not otherwise.

This, i am not.

i am not

should be your natural tendency 

towards any phenomenon

what remains is what always was.

God.

You.

As non different from each other

how can externalising the mind in any phenomenon allow you to reach that; 

which is just not internalised, 

but even further amalgamated with you?

........

Dis-interestedness towards the world, its activities

towards one's individuality,

towards oneself

towards the activities of the mind

would this not be a mandatory step

towards self realisation?

It is.

Mind has to be made niruapadhika

because all what mind thinks is anatma, avidya.

It just doesn't have any range to reach the truth

mind includes the so called 'pet' viz. the 'intellect'

.......

unless you realise that anything in this world, anything in sansar is nothing but a burning ball of fire, mind wouldn't automatically turn towards the Self.

a girl from a high class society, when she finds herself in a a college, where no one belongs to her socio eco status and intellectual level,

craves internally every moment to meet at least one person who belongs to her intellectual level.

although she mixes with 'these' people, she knows, that she obviously doesn't belong to 'them'.

such is the intellect of a dnyani.

every moment he knows he doesn't belong to the world of 'phenomenon'

he belongs only to the substratum

never to to the phenomenon.

the moment that girl finds someone of her calibre, she suddenly becomes extroverted and mixes and mingles with that person or that group

which stuns everyone

because she was completely introverted or so it appeared to the other group.

A dnyani is disinterested in the phenomenon.

he cannot co-mingle with the lot.

he has lost that ability.

no matter how hard he tries, he just cannot.

But, he blends with 'existence' very naturally.

smooth as a silky cream.

he knows it is his natural state.

a state that is sahaja

a state that cannot have any vikalpa

because all kalpa-na and vikalpa have been left far behind 

like a plane that rises to 28000 feet has left the city far behind.

you see the skeletal edges of the city through the mist, barely

never to touch it ever again.

the sambandha has been broken.

why should gold go in search of copper to enhance its value?

how can existence truly reach non existence?

how can sun reach darkness?

you are the truth

you are samadhi

you are grace

you are god

truth, grace god, guru cannot be distinct or other than existence.

breathing is my real nature you say.

no. it is the real nature of the body.

you can exist without that.

.........

narada parivrajika upanishad

'the one desirous of attaining atma should live with the help of atma alone.'

this is real sadhana or tapas.

for an unawakened, this is poetry

for an awakened, it seems for him  to be the natural conclusion of the vedas

and is able to abide by it at least to some extent.

As nothing in adhyatma is possible without 'extra ordinary' amounts of 'sattva'

Atma ramo bhavati

stabdho bhavati

matto bhavati

you do need that unmada, 

otherwise the mind doesn't let go the phenomenon and its attachment to it.

without matto, you cannot be atma ramo

and then stabdho shall never follow.

all things in adhyatma are so easy to understand.

but as difficult to follow as as much as how easy they are to understand.

....

mastan swami; 'let cinders be poured on your head, one shouldn't allow the life in atma to get disturbed'

..

by staying with existence, you know existence

..

by staying with existence alone, you know existence,

not otherwise

..

Paap = non understanding = excruciating suffering

it is due to paap that i identify myself with the spark

ans not the fire

it is due to paap that I identify myself with the wave 

and not the ocean

it is due to paap that i identify myself with the elephant

and not the wood

It is due to paap that I identify myself with the necklace

and not the gold

it is due to paap that I identify myself with the entity I

and not the real I, the Self

...........

Let cinders be poured on the head, one shouldn't let the life in atma to get disturbed.

If you can stay as the Self, no other sadhana is required.

Irrespective of prarabdha, every moment one gets a chance to choose the Self or non self

Extra ordinary ability to hold on to the Self at all times,

under all circumstances

.............

I breathe , therefore I am

Nay.

I am 

Therefore I breathe

.....

Hold on to not what you think exists,

But due to which it exists.

Can you?

....

Ram is with you. 

Due to paap, however, you are able to relate to only the A-ram in you, the entity

.....

so easy to see that which the electricity makes move, like the fan

But electricity is not remembered or sought.

......

So easy to see maya and the world,

But not easy to focus 'due to which' it stands

..

That 'due to which' is You.

That You is Him

I am That

I am.

.................

period

......

What is really Self Enquiry

 It means surrender of the 'concept of an entity'.

It follows surrender of individuality, personality, likes , dislikes.

Wants, desires.

They have no place in Self Enquiry.

Nisarga: you will get atmadnyan-

If you only Want That 

And nothing else.

This 'nothing else' is important.

Which means absolutely no distraction towards the non Self

No activities, interests of anatma, avidya

As anatma, avidya equates with 'sankat', total destruction.

If you can Abide as the Self, no other sadhana is reqd

B to A

....

prob is we are distracted

why ...due to vasanas

which means concepts

we have spiritual ADD is the prob.

.....

Tendency to forego everything

 and be in the hands of prarabdha = superlative

The Best sadhana

very few can do it.

only the select few

the ones who have extra ordinary amounts of sattva can do it.

For the rest it is millions of miles away.

Just a dream or a figment of imagn

or something they will ask;

whats the use doing it.

ill do sadhana instead.

they are the ones who have no clue what sadhana is

and shall never do sadhana in a million years

they will complain, complain, complain

life after life

golden opportunities will come and go.

but they will remain kupa manduk- a frog in the well

the classic crow from YV

one who knows, senses what is sadhya, he does the requisite sadhana 

as he alone knows what it constitutes.

.......

man's hypocrisy is at the core of all his problems

again and again he only falls back to diff levels and types of hypocricy

he knows in his sub conscious what games he is playing

but a man without the requisite amounts of sattva is bound to be his own enemy for eons

he has no choice.

......

once he knows God is the doer,

his anxiety should cease.

Prarabdha should so naturally and spontaneously be treated as the Gift of God

in fact not doing that

and making some planned intellectual effort shows 

chronic non understanding.

be simple 

simpler than the simplemost.

so an exercise find which is the simplest thing.

and try to be simpler than that

which means more insignificant 

lower than that

humbler than that

more useless than that.

you have to be a lot more useless than the most useless fellow you have met

to be loved in the eyes of God

For only then can the almighty's eyes be your eyes.

else you will have the eyes that 'seek'

which are the ignorant's eyes.

Do you not know that ' You are the Sought?'

If you dont realize that, many lifetimes of miseries await you.

..

The one who is the doer, naturally becomes the sufferer.

He cannot save himself from the agonies that follow.

One who has given up doership 

stays atma trupta

Abides as the Self.

..

the one who has not changed himself 

wants to change the world.

for the one who has changed himself,

there is no world.

........

even he doesn't exist.

so what to do

'with what' and 'to whom'.

when  these concepts have themselves vanished.

..

God make me more insignificant and thereby lighter than a dried up fluttering leaf.

Else How could I be carried away by the wind of your grace.

Heavy loaded Sinner that I am 

with concepts and precepts

And stubbornness

And a donkey load of abnormalities,

By Your Grace turn me humbler than a worm,

lighter than a dust particle of an idiot's feet.

For that's where I truly belong.

because I have sinned.

Life after life due to non understanding/ ignorance.

...

Ignorance is rust. 

Whatever i shall find in that tool box, 

will only be rusty and thereby useless.

god, please give me that simple wisdom 

to understand something so simple.

despite this awareness, why do I keep accessing the rusty toolbox, to scoop out an arrow of intellect.

It shall not serve my purpose.

How do i still not allow myself to be aware of that?

..

Why despite tall talks of surrender

repeatedly, over and over again

I seem to be doing exactly opposite of that?

What's this bad evil spell on me

who cast it?

Please drive it away with your mercy, O Lord Ramana.

..

I am hard like a stone, nay like a diamond.

How can my heart melt? 

Unless you scorch it with the blazing fire of your Grace.

Burn me Punish me O Lord 

to be fit to flow with your gaze 

as it moves, when it moves.

I have stayed like a stone far too long.

Stubborn and obstinate with my precepts.

those precepts have disallowed me to flow in your river of grace.

Where so many others were carried by you to the ocean of enlightenment 

Only because they had the wisdom to melt

In you.

Lord Ramana , when shall you give that wisdom.

To be light, so that I may see the Light

That you really are.

.........

My Likes, My desires, My needs, My convenience.

yes.

My obstinacy, my inability to change

Has single - handedly destroyed me

Although I might blame the world

And even You, O Ramana

Why not?

for a sinner that I am, what better can I do?

A man with food poisoning only 'pukes'

Whether he wishes to or not.

Slap me, scorn me Destroy me O Ramana

For if I remain,

Its only a poisonous wriggling insignificant worm that remains

which is of know use to anyone,

Even itself.

Which questions the purpose of it coming in to existence

every moment.

Wouldn't that indirectly mock you, O Ramana? 

Why would you allow that in the kingdom of your Grace?

So Ramana, obliterate that worm 

Just like a patient is euthanised by a compassionate doctor.

Do not delay

In the least.

Even by a moment.

For I have suffered too long.

Too long

Way too long.

Ramana, do not win the award of the most merciless king in the world.

That is not your style.

..

When the personality pops up

Its the pestilence that pops up.

..

when I pops up, 

its the end of everything.

The one who has gained that wisdom, verily watches from where that scornful, regrettable I pops up again and again

like an infestation that refuses to go.

Watching from where that I comes,

Is tantamount to closing the hole from where it rises, 'forever'.

These are the teachings my merciful Anna taught me.

Watch watch watch...with all your vigilance\

with all your might,

From where that I springs.

So that it might never rise again.

A girl madly in love with a boy wishes that the other girl he is attracted to, never existed.

'She' is the source of all her misery.

every moment of her existence.

Ramana, that other girl correspond to the feeling of this entity 'I'.

This 'other I' should go.

Its source will have to be scorched out 

by non stop vigilant attention

Also called by a holy name of Tapas.

This is what you taught me Ramana.

So why do you not give me the wisdom and strength 

To reach that Source.

From where that evil I springs.

Why do you wait?

That 'waiting', that 'Pause' is so unnerving,

So inappropriate.

Do you not see that O Ramana?

Do I really have to make a fool of myself with my childish blabber-

to request You to 'stop' 'waiting'/ 'pausing'?

For how can I ever articulate those words properly?

A dimwit that I am.

Even the most heartless person has a compassion to help a toddler

 who repeatedly falls off the stairs.

Where is Your compassion, Ramana?

..........cont.........

Make me lighter than a feather. 

The sharp arrows of personality, individuality come to tear my own flesh from within me.

To surrender means to pay no heed to them

Then they shall dissolve in their own potion.

Let me not have any favourites and non favourites.

No likes, dislikes.

No favourable, unfavourable.

Let me have tremendous patience

'sheela'.

Best sheel = sahan sheela

whether I'm under a tree or in a cave,

let me remind myself 

that by Your grace, even these days shall pass.

only you are the saviour.

none else.

take no one else's help.

If I do, let me have the presence of mind to know,

That I shall the perish.

its obvious.

to a man of wisdom.

.......

with my mind scattered I'm akin to a ball of puffy cotton.

but by disciplined training, its become taut to be made a garment of.

..........

what is grace

what is atma

they are the same.

they are that which abide everywhere.

every moment.

in every minute particle

its the light which lights the light.

.........

.....

Prarabdha = god's choice 

to train you in a specific way.

Because otherwise you will not learn

the very simple things 

That Nature offers to teach

...

that which exists everywhere is atma.

that which exists everywhere is grace.

Which means god's most merciful vision.

......

Only He exists.

So all what happens,  is what He does.

So why do you interfere?

Why do you have the urge to interfere?

Can you be quiet?

Try.

No pull. 

No complain. 

No resistance.

No whisper.

isn't that mauna?

....

Can you stay like a fluttering leaf 

That doesn't flutter on its own.

But flutters only due to prarabdha/ Grace flowing through it.

Can you be unmoved like that?

.....

Mauna is the wisdom that transpires from your core to the surface,

When you know that you are not the doer.

...

Is your Love Pure?

Love for 'Another' is Always impure.

Love for the Self is the Purest form of Love.

A Love that doesn't spring from anywhere.

And doesn't reach any particular object.

A Love that is Full, Perfect. 

Which is nothing but Being or Existence personified.

A Love that cannot cease,

By making attempts to cease it from emerging.

A dad can force her daughter to stop meeting a guy.

But he cannot make her not think of him.

Even she doesn't have that ability to cease thinking of him.

That Love is Grace.

Which is born of Wisdom.

When the clumsiness of personality,  individuality vanishes.

Due to the kindling of the Inner Fire.

......

Wants, desires  Plans 

Are for the 'lowly'.

For the ones who have not been introduced to the Inner Grace.

They waddle through knee deep waters

As if they are crossing oceans of Purushartha.

They only make a fool of themselves in the eyes of the wise.

Watch them waddle through knee deep waters with a sense of purpose with a life jacket on.

The dirty, muddy waters gnarling down their throats due to their stupidity.

Pity them. 

Ignore them.

There is nothing to learn from them.

A Wise man should refuse to look at them.

...........,

Where do they reach with alltheir planned efforts?

Just on the other side of the gutter.

But blind are they.

They write novels and blogs as to how they crossed the ocean.

And fools are greatly impressed by their vocabulary.

......

My Ramana breathes for me.

My Ramana feeds me.

Even when I stay hungry. 

My Ramana plans for me and takes care of me.

.....

The point is 'Only Ramana' takes care of me.

Not even me.

Intelligence is knowing that I cannot take care of me. Only He can and He does.

Wisdom is 'being able to Abide by that Truth'.

....

The personality pops up to demand ' me and my sadhana'.

That is a kind of ignorance.

 A very discreet kind of ostentatiousness.

Of a subtle kind of self deceit.

.....

Trace the I, the thief back to its source .

That is sadhana taught Ramana.

All else is futile.

When you have an idea of what sadhana is, it's essentially a wrong idea.

...

Aham far higher than even Om,

Taught Ramana.

I I I.....I I

That's all

All else futile.

.....

Practice till the I is denuded of its excrecenses.

And gives way to the Real I.

....

All your cares and concerns confirm only 1 thing. You have not understood the basics.

......

'Nirmala' is the norm.

Mala removed is the criteria.

 ...

To put yourself in the hands of God is wisdom.

.,..end....

dakshinamurthy refs

 

https://greenmesg.org/stotras/shiva/dakshinamurthy_stotram.php

विश्वं दर्पणदृश्यमाननगरीतुल्यं निजान्तर्गतं

पश्यन्नात्मनि मायया बहिरिवोद्भूतं यथा निद्रया ।
यः साक्षात्कुरुते प्रबोधसमये स्वात्मानमेवाद्वयं
तस्मै श्रीगुरुमूर्तये नम इदं श्रीदक्षिणामूर्तये ॥१॥
Vishvam Darpanna-Drshyamaana-Nagarii-Tulyam Nija-Antargatam
Pashyann-Aatmani Maayayaa Bahir-Ivo[a-U]dbhuutam Yathaa Nidrayaa |
Yah Saakssaat-Kurute Prabodha-Samaye Sva-[A]atmaanam-Eva-Advayam
Tasmai Shrii-Guru-Muurtaye Nama Idam Shrii-Dakssinnaamuurtaye ||1||

Meaning:
(Salutations to Sri Dakshinamurthy Who Awakens the Glory of the Atman within us through His Profound Silence)
1.1: The Entire World is Like a City Seen within a Mirror, the Seeing happening within One's Own Being,
1.2: It is a Witnessing happening within the Atman, (the Witnessing) of the Externally Projected World; Projected by the Power of Maya; As if a Dream in Sleep,
1.3: One Experiences this Directly (this Play of Maya) during Spiritual Awakening within the Non-Dual Expanse of One's Own Atman,
1.4: Salutations to Him, the Personification of Our Inner Guru Who Awakens This Knowledge through His Profound Silence; Salutation to Sri Dakshinamurthy.

Self enquiry notes sep 2023

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymvj01q44o0

00:40 

Ultimate aim to be continuously aware of I. First thought, then feeling...then it vanishes. individuality ceases to exist. 

Experience of being where individuality temporarily ceases to operate. 

Experience intermittent at first.

 But by repeated practise becomes easier and easier to reach and maintain. 

When self enquiry reaches this level, there is an effortless awareness of being.in which individual effort is not possible since i who makes the effort temporarily ceases to exist. It is not Self Realistion. ..since the I thought periodicaly self asserts itself. ...but is the highest level of practise.

 Repeated experiece of this state of being weakens and destroys the vasanas Power of Self destroys residual tendencies...that the I thought never rises again. This is the final and irreversible state of self realisation.

........

32:00

When one thus practices more and more..the mind becomes exceedingly pure by removal of defects ...and the practise becomes so easy that the purified mind will plunge into the heart as soon as the enquiry is commenced.

........

33:00 r

degree of removal of thoughts...= measure of progress towards Self Realisation

.....

Transcript from first 4 minutes of video Self enquiry Practise Beginners in self enquiry were advised by Sri Ramana to put their attention on the inner feeling of I

......and to hold that feeling as long as possible.

They would be told that if their attention was distracted by other thoughts, they should revert to the awareness of the I thought, when ever they became aware that their attention had wandered.

He suggested various aids to assist this process. One could ask ones self: Who am I? Or where does this I come from?  But the ultimate aim was to be continuously aware of the I. Which assumes that it is responsible for all the activities of the body and the mind.

In the early stages of practice the attention to the feeling I is a mental activity, which takes the form of a thought or a perception.

As the practice develops the thought I gives way to a subjectively experienced feeling of I. When this feeling ceases to connect and identify with thoughts and objects it completely vanishes. What remains is an experience of being in which the sense of individuality has temporarily ceased to operate.  The experience may be intermittent at first but with repeated practice it becomes easier and easier to reach and maintain. When self enquiry reaches this level there is an effortless awareness of Being. In which individual effort is no longer possible since the I who makes the effort has temporarily ceased to exist. It is not self realisation, since the I thought periodically reasserts itself but is the highest level of practice.  Repeated experience of this state of Being weakens and destroys the Vasana, mental tendencies which cause the I thought to rise and when their hold has been sufficiently weakened, the power of the Self destroys the residual tendencies so completely that the I thought never rises again.  This is the final and irreversible state of Self realisation. This practice of self attention or awareness of the I thought is a gentle technique. Which bypasses the usual repressive methods of controlling the mind. It is not an exercise in concentration nor does it aim at suppressing thoughts.  It merely evokes the awareness of the source from which the mind springs.

The method and goal of self enquiry is to abide in the source of the mind and to be aware of what one really is by withdrawing attention and interest from what one is not.

In the early stages, effort in the form of transferring the attention from the thoughts to the thinker is essential,

but once awareness of the 'I' feeling has been firmly established, then further effort is counter productive.

From then on, it is more a process of being than doing.

Of effortless 'being' rather than an effort to Be.

Being what one already is is effortless since being-ness is always present and always experienced. On the other hand, Pretending to be what one is not, ie. the body and the mind requires continuous mental effort even though the effort is nearly always at a subconscious level.

It is therefore that in the higher stages 

22:00

Temporary lulling of thoughts.

water water yogi long samadhi when he woke up

...

Enquire as to who it is that experiences this stillness.

for sadhakas it is difficult to distinguish between manolaya and manonasha

Therefore, one should watch their progress carefully.

.......