https://archive.org/details/annamalaiswamifinaltalksdavidgodman_610_m/page/n23/mode/2up
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swami abhedananda
https://estudantedavedanta.net/Complete-Works-of-Swami-Abhedananda-01.pdf
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Forgetfulness of the Self happens because of non-enquiry.
So I say, ‘Remove the forgetfulness through enquiry’.
Forgetfulness or non-forgetfulness is not apart of your destiny. It is something you can choose from moment to moment.
That is what Bhagavan said.
He said that you have the freedom either to identify with the body and its activities, and in doing so forget the Self, or you can identify with the Self and have the understanding that the body is performing its predestined activities, animated and sustained by the power of the Self.
If you have an oil lamp and you forget to put oil in it, the light goes out. It was your forgetfulness and your lack of vigilance that caused the light to go out. Your thoughts were elsewhere. They were not on tending the lamp.
In every moment you only have one real choice: to be aware of the Self or to identify with the body and the mind. If you choose the latter course, don’t blame God or God’s will, or predestination. God did not make you forget the Self. You yourself are making that choice every second of your life.
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The Self is always present. Nothing obstructs your awareness of it except your self-inflicted ignorance. Our efforts, our sadhana, are directed towards removing this ignorance. If this ignorance is removed, the real Self is revealed. This revelation is not part of destiny. Only the outer bodily activities are destined.
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Question: So my inner life is my own responsibility. I cannot blame Bhagavan if I am not remembering myself.
Annamalai Swami:
Bhagavan is always present, inside you and in front of you.
If you don’t cover the vision of Bhagavan with your ego, that will be enough.
The ego is the ‘I am the body’ idea. Remove this idea and you shine as the Self. That is the only thing you need to do in this life. The various events of your life - all the things that are going to happen to you - they are all destined. If you don’t want them to happen, they will still occur, even if you try to avoid them. And if you want things that are not in your destiny, they won’t come to you.
There is no point worrying about the outer events of your life because you can exercise no control over these destined activities. Your responsibility in this life is to see who you are, not to rewrite your life script.
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Your ultimate need is to get established in the changeless peace of the Self.
For this you have to give up all thoughts.
If this has happened to you, nothing more is needed.
If you are in the real state, there will be no wants, no desire to push on to some other state.
In realisation there will be no desire for anything else, and no doubt about whether anything is needed. This final state is just peace. There are no desires and doubts there.
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‘In the interior of the Heart-cave Brahman alone shines in the form of the Self with direct immediacy as “I”, as “I”.
Enter into the Heart with questing mind or by diving deep or through control of breath, and abide in the Self. ’]
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Question: So there is no special method for diving within. It happens by itself. Is this true?
Annamalai Swami: It doesn’t happen by itself. You have to go on making an effort until the point where you become totally effortless. Up till that moment your effort is needed.
The mind only gets dissolved in the Self by constant practice.
At that moment the ‘I am the body’ idea disappears, just as darkness disappears when the sun rises.
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This current, this ‘I am’ consciousness, is present within all of us. It is not something special that devotees of one particular Guru have. It is our nature, and as such it is common to all. But only a few souls are mature enough or ripe enough to be aware of it. Though it is present within all of us, grace puts us in touch with it and gives us a taste of what it is like. And once that taste is there, the thirst to realise the Self follows.
Tayumanuvar, a Tamil saint whom Bhagavan often quoted, wrote in one of his poems:
‘My Guru merely told me that I am consciousness. Having heard this, I held onto consciousness. What he told me was just one sentence, but I cannot describe the bliss I attained from holding onto that one simple sentence. Through that one sentence I attained a peace and a happiness that can never be explained in words.
Question: Why should I ask? Asking has not produced the right answer so far.
Annamalai Swami:
You should persist and not give up so easily.
When you intensely enquire ‘Who am I?’ the intensity of your enquiry takes you to the real Self. It is not that you are asking the wrong question.
You seem to be lacking intensity in your enquiry.
You need a one-pointed determination to complete this enquiry properly.
Your real Self is not the body or the mind.
You will not reach the Self while thoughts are dwelling on anything that is connected with the body or the mind.
Question: So it is the intensity of the enquiry that determines whether I succeed or not.
Annamalai Swami: Yes. If enquiry into the Self is not taking place, thoughts will be on the body and the mind.
And while those thoughts are habitually there, there will be an underlying identification: ‘I am the body. I am the mind.’ This identification is something that happened at a particular point in time. It is not something that has always been there. And what comes in time also goes eventually, for nothing that exists in time is permanent.
The Self, on the other hand, has always been there. It existed before the ideas about the body and the mind arose, and it will be there when they finally vanish. The Self always remains as it is: as peace, without birth, without death.
Through the intensity of your enquiry you can claim that state as your own.
Enquire into the nature of the mind by asking, with one- pointed determination,
‘Who am I?’ Mind is illusory and non- existent, just as the snake that appears on the rope is illusory and non-existent. Dispel the illusion of the mind by intense enquiry and merge in the peace of the Self. That is what you are, and that is what you always have been.
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Question: Has Swamiji realised the Self?
Annamalai Swami: Yes. But this is sometimes a strange question to answer. It is like having somebody ask you if you have become a human being. You are always a human being. You didn’t have to do anything to accomplish it. You are self- evidently a human being, so much so, it is strange to field questions about it.
Question: It is not self-evident to me.
Annamalai Swami: Then find out who you are.
Question: How does one find out who one is?
Annamalai Swami: You will find out by constantly doing self¬ enquiry. Ask yourself, ‘Am I the body? Am I the mind?’ When self-enquiry is deepened, you understand who you are.
Question: How long did it take for Swamiji to find out?
Annamalai Swami:
If one is mature, one can realise it in this moment.
If one is not mature one has to take up sadhana to make oneself receptive to the truth.
Question: Which category were you in?
Annamalai Swami: I served Bhagavan for more than twelve years. After that I came to this place because I wanted to be more established in the Self. After several years of sadhana I realised the Self.
Question: Is Swamiji totally established in the Self?
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Annamalai Swami: Yes.
Question: What happens in your deep sleep state? Is it the same as when you are awake?
Annamalai Swami: Yes.
Question: I have heard that when people came close to Ramana Maharshi, they could feel a penetrating peace. As I sit here in the presence of Swamiji I feel nothing. Why is this?
Annamalai Swami: Not everyone felt peace in Bhagavan’s presence. Madhava Swami served Bhagavan as his personal attendant for many years, but he claimed he felt no peace there. He used to have the same complaint as you.
In his later days he would say, ‘People are saying that whenever they are in the presence of Bhagavan they feel tremendous peace. But when I go inside Bhagavan’s hall, it is like hell for me.’
I am telling you this because the answer to your question is,
‘Whether you feel peace or not in a jnani ’s presence depends on your maturity’.
People who are mature are sensitive to the jnani’s presence. Such people will immediately experience peace when they come into the presence of a jnani. Others have to wait. Buds that are ready to bloom open when the sun’s rays fall on them. Those that are not ready have to wait.
Question: In other words, is it because of my immaturity that I am not able to feel peace in the presence of Swamiji?
Annamalai Swami: Don’t make this kind of judgement about yourself. Don’t think that you are not mature. If you hold onto this kind of thought, this will be a hindrance to your realisation, because the truth is already within you.
Question: But Swamiji just said that if a person were mature, he would be able to feel peace in the presence of a realised soul.
Annamalai Swami: Maturity and immaturity belong to the mind. You are not the mind; you are already the Self.
Question: Are there differences in the degree of realisation of the Self? For example, Ramana was widely acclaimed as a Sadguru. Is your understanding the same as Ramana’s?
Annamalai Swami: You see a big lamp before you. Your own lamp is unlit. So you bring your lamp to the lamp which is already burning. And when you go away from that lamp, you have your own lamp, your own light. Wherever you go, from that point on, the light is with you. The state of jnana is the same for all. Anyone who realises the Self is in the same state of peace, which is beyond the mind.
Though the experience of the Self is the same in all cases, it is true that some jnanis end up helping a lot of people, whereas others, who are equally enlightened, may help fewer people. Some jnanis do not teach at all. They live ordinary lives and are rarely, if ever, recognised for what they really are.
Water can be in a well or it can be in a lake. It is the same water, but one source can quench more thirsts than the other. A small lamp can light up a room, whereas a big one can light up a whole street. Bhagavan was one of those big, blazing lights that could light up a huge area. He guided and brought light to many people.
Question: Swamiji is saying that some jnanis are big lamps and that others are small. Do the small lamps become bigger, or do they always remain the same?
Annamalai Swami: Whichever light you go to, the light is always the same. This business of the lamps is just an example. What I am trying to say is, only a few people have the capacity to guide a large number of people towards the truth. Realising the truth is one thing, but guiding others towards it is something else. All jnanis are not equally capable when it comes to guiding others.
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It is not an ordinary hill. It is not like other hills in the world. It is a spiritual hill. Those who associate with it feel a magnetic pull towards the Self. Though it is in the form of a hill, it has the full energy of the Self. Seekers who come to this place with the intention of realising the Self can be much benefited by going round the hill. Walking round the hill can help you a lot with your sadhana.
There is water everywhere under the ground, but there are some places where it is easier to get at. Likewise, the Self is everywhere. There is no place that is without it, but it is also true that there are certain places, certain people, around which and around whom the presence of the Self can be easily felt. In the proximity of this hill, the presence of the Self is more
powerful and more self-evident than anywhere else. However, the great glory of this hill cannot be explained in words. One has to experience it for oneself.
We often say, ‘I slept happily,’ but if someone asks you to explain in words the happiness you felt in that state, what can you say? You can experience it, but you can’t really explain it.
This is how the Self is. You can experience it, you can become it, but you cannot explain this state through words. The same thing can be said about this hill. You can experience it, but you can’t explain it in a satisfactory way.
In Indian mythology we have a wish-fulfilling tree. If you find this tree and tell it what you want, your wish will be granted. Arunachala also has this reputation. That is why so many people come here on a full moon night and walk around it. But very few people come here and ask for enlightenment, for undisturbed peace. All beings are ultimately searching for undisturbed peace, but who asks for it here? It you are ready to receive peace, Arunachala can give it to you.
This peace is already within us, but people don’t appreciate this, so they go looking for it all over the place, in external locations.
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Bhagavan always maintained that the power of this mountain was not a matter of belief. He said that if you sit in the shade of a tree, you will feel the cool shade. This is a physical fact, not a matter of belief. Then he went on to say that Arunachala worked in the same way. It affects the people who are here, whether they believe in it or not.
He once said, ‘Arunachala is like a fire. If you go near it you will feel the heat whether you believe in it or not.’
I also heard him say once, ‘If you go round this hill, it will give you its grace, even if you don’t want it’.
Question: I want to ask Swamiji about his own experience. Was his own experience a single event, an explosion of knowledge? Or did it happen more gradually, in a more subtle way?
Annamalai Swami: It was my experience that through continuous sadhana I gradually relaxed into the Self. It was a gradual process.
Question: So it is not necessarily something that happens with a big bang?
Annamalai Swami: It is not something new that suddenly comes. It is eternally there, but it is covered by so much. It has to be rediscovered.
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Constant meditation is the only way.
If you bring the light into your room, the darkness immediately goes away.
You have to see that the light is not put out.
It has to be continuously burning so that there is no darkness.
Until you get firmly established in the Self, you have to continue with your meditation. Doubts take possession of you only if you forget yourself.
Question: My doubts are not my only problem. I find that my yearning for the Self is not very strong. This bothers me quite a lot.
Annamalai Swami: When you forget the state of being yourself, then is the time to enquire, ‘Who forgets the Self? Who is in doubt? Who is having the confusion?’ Enquire in this way. Discard all that is not you and come back to yourself.
Question: Sometimes I am overpowered by self-doubt.
Annamalai Swami: If the meditation is not continuous enough, the other part of the mind becomes predominant. You have to overpower this mind that is taking you away from yourself by repeatedly doing this self-enquiry.
When you chum curd and separate butter and buttermilk, they will not become one again after they have been separated. If you take milk from the cow’s udder, it will never go back into the cow again. In the same way, if you become established in the Self, you will never go back into ignorance again.
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Annamalai Swami: If the intensity to know yourself is strong enough, the intensity of your yearning will take you to the Self.
Question: But still, I must keep up with the enquiry.
Annamalai Swami: If you remain in the Self, enquiry will not be necessary. If you move away from the Self and go back to the mind, you then have to enquire again and go back to your Self.
Question: To whom does this intensity to realise the Self arise? It has to arise to the T that ultimately has to disappear.
Annamalai Swami: Who is this T? It is neither the body nor the mind. If you remain as the Self, there is neither body nor mind. So what is this T ? Enquire into it and find out for yourself.
When you see the rope, what happens to the snake? Nothing happens to it because there never was a snake. Similarly, when you remain as the Self, there is a knowing that this T never had any existence.
All is the Self. You are not separate from the Self. All is you. Your real state is the Self, and in that Self there is no body and no mind. This is the truth, and you know it by being it. This ‘I
am the body’ idea is wrong. This false idea must go and the conviction ‘I am the Self’ should come to the extent that it becomes constant.
At the moment this ‘I am the body’ idea seems very natural for you. You should work towards the point where ‘I am the Self’ becomes natural to you.
It happens when the wrong idea of being the body goes, and when you stop believing it to be true, it vanishes as darkness vanishes when the sun appears.
This life is all a dream, a dream within a dream within a dream.
We dream this world, we dream that we die and take birth in another body. And in this birth we dream that we have dreams. All kinds of pleasures and suffering alternate in these dreams, but a moment comes when waking up happens. In this moment, which we call realising the Self, there is the understanding that all the births, all the deaths, all the sufferings and all the pleasures were unreal dreams that have finally come to an end.
Everyone has experienced dreams within dreams. One may dream that one has woken up from a dream, but that waking up is still happening within a dream. Our whole lives are dreams. When this dream life ends and a new one begins, there is no knowledge that both dreams are happening in the underlying dream of samsara.
Bhagav.an has instructed us in Who Am I? to see the whole world as a dream.
When realisation comes, nothing will affect you because you will have the firm knowledge that all manifestation is an unreal dream.
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Without some protection, contact with worldly matters can prove to be sticky and unpleasant. But if you oil yourself with remembrance of the Self, you can move smoothly and efficiently through the world, without having any of your business affairs stick to you or cause you any trouble or inconvenience.
When there is a remembrance of the Self, everything in life proceeds smoothly, and there is no attachment to the work that is being done.
Question: While you were doing a lot of work in the ashram, how did you manage to keep up your sadhana!
Annamalai Swami: In those days Bhagavan was accessible for most of the time, so I was able to get regular guidance in my sadhana. He told me to read Sivananda Lahari, Ellam Ondre, Upadesa Saram and his other writings. He also told me to do parayana [chanting of scriptural works]. All this was very helpful in keeping my mind on the Self during work.
Sri Bhagavan often said, ‘While doing the work, don’t have the idea, “I am doing the work”. If you can keep up this attitude, work will not be a burden, and no problems will touch you.’
Don’t differentiate between work and meditation. If you don’t differentiate, every job you do becomes meditation. And don’t make distinctions between different kinds of work. Don’t think, ‘This is good work. That is bad work.’ If you treat all work equally, any work you do will be beneficial for your sadhana.
Jnanis usually come to their last births with a mountain of punyas on account of what they have done in their previous lives. The jnani cannot experience all these punyas himself, but those who come into contact with him can receive them as blessings. The same thing can be said for all the papams that the jnani brings to his final life.
A poor man can suddenly become rich if a millionaire takes a liking to him and gives him a lot of money. Those who come to a jnani and do selfless service to him find themselves becoming spiritual millionaires when they receive the jnani’s unused punyas. And those who come to abuse and insult the jnani end up receiving all his unused papams. This is an automatic process. The jnani does not pick and choose the people who are going to be the recipients of these punyas. This transfer happens automatically. Devotees grow spiritually by receiving all these blessings. They reach heights that would be difficult or impossible to reach through their own efforts.
My own life illustrates this. When I was very young I stayed alone, doing all kinds of spiritual practice by myself. I doubt that I could have experienced the truth of the Self through my own efforts. Fortunately, grace brought me to Bhagavan, and through Bhagavan’s grace I had the opportunity to serve him. My proximity to Bhagavan and the work I did for him made me ready for the truth.
I learned this lesson about the necessity of being in the jnani’s presence early on in my time at Ramanasramam. After a few weeks there I found myself disappointed by the attitude of many of the people I found around Bhagavan. They seemed to be more interested in gossiping than in doing meditation. I knew that Bhagavan was a great man, but I didn’t feel comfortable living with people whom I thought were not taking the spiritual life very seriously. I decided to leave the ashram and meditate by myself. My attempt to run away was not successful. Bhagavan’s grace and power brought me back from Polur, the place I had ran away to. As I sat in front of Bhagavan on my first day back, Bhagavan looked at me, and while he was looking I began to hear the words of one of the verses from Ulladu Narpadu Anubandham resonating in my Heart:
‘The supreme state which is praised and which is attained here in this life by clear enquiry, which rises in the Heart when association with a sadhu is gained, is impossible to attain by listening to preachers, by studying and learning the meaning of the scriptures, by virtuous deeds, or by any other means.’
I had never read this work before, so I don’t know how these words managed to repeat themselves inside me. No one else heard them except me. The verse praises association with a jnani, saying that association with such a being is far more productive for sadhaks than doing spiritual practice by oneself. After hearing these words I got the courage to stay on at Ramanasramam and serve Bhagavan.
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I want to speak some more about the grace of the Guru.
Bhagavan told me that the Guru is the Self who is within.
The Self manifests in a form and pushes the minds of devotees towards the Self.
At the same time the Guru resides within us as the unmanifest Self.
From the inside, he is pulling us towards him.
This pushing and pulling is the Guru’s grace.
For the Guru’s grace to work on us, we have to surrender.
We have to give up all the things of this world, and all other worlds, and direct all our attention towards the Self.
If we want anything in this world or the next, our energy will be dispersed in these desires, and to fulfil these desires we shall have to reborn again and again.
I once told Bhagavan that I had a desire to go and live m a cave where I could do meditation by myself.
Bhagavan told me, ‘If you keep a desire like that in your mind, you will have to take one more birth. Why keep such a desire? If it is destined for you, it will happen by itself. Leave this idea alone.’
So, give up all your desires, your likes, dislikes and preferences. If you are truly the whole, which part of yourself will you like or dislike?
There is one more verse that I want to quote for you. It was sung by Manikkavachagar whose supreme devotion to Siva enabled him to realise the Self. Bhagavan often quoted Manikkavachagar’s poems to us.
‘I gave myself to you. In return, you must give yourself to me. So in this business of giving and taking, who is the real winner? In our transactions I received limitless ananda from you. But what did you get from me? Nothing! Just a useless ego. So now you are residing in my Heart. What more do I need? I have become fulfilled. I need nothing because you are in my Heart.’
Manikkavachagar could sing like this because Siva himself was residing within him as his own reality. His desires were fulfilled. He needed nothing.
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..
Bhagavan taught me how to prepare a special mixture made out of coconut oil, sesame oil and castor oil. He told me that if I applied this mixture to my feet in the evening, it would take away this feeling of overheating. I tried it and it worked very well.
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The Self is peace and happiness. Realising peace and happiness within you is the true realisation of the Self. You cannot distinguish between peace, happiness and the Self. They are not separate aspects. You have this idea that peace and happiness is within you, so you make some effort to find it there, but at the moment it is still only an idea for you.
So, ask yourself, ‘To whom does this idea come? Who has this idea?’
You must pursue this line if you want to have the idea replaced by the experience. Peace is not an idea, nor is it something that comes and goes. We are always That. So, remain as That. You have no birth and no death, no bondage and no freedom. It is perpetual peace, and it is free from all ideas. The ‘I am the body’ idea is what is concealing it. This is what has to go.
In the waking state, the jnani has no limiting thoughts, no ego that identifies with a name and a form.
His state is crystal clear.
Ramana Bhagavan had no ego, no limiting thoughts, which is why he knew himself to be this peace, this happiness.
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If you completely avoid attachment to your body and mind, then all other attachments will vanish.
Identify with That which is neither body nor mind, and all your attachments will go.
You can only put your attention on one thing at a time.
While it is on the mind or the body, it cannot be on the Self.
Conversely, if you put attention on the Self and become absorbed in it, there will be no awareness of mind and body.
Every night during sleep you let go of your attachment to both the body and the mind, and the result is silence, peace, and an absence of duality. You can have this silence, this peace, and this absence of duality in the waking state by not believing the rising thoughts that create duality for you. Resist limiting thoughts. Replace them with thoughts such as ‘All is myself. Everybody is myself. All animals, all things are myself.’
What you think, you become. If you understand and experience that everything is yourself, how can you have likes and dislikes? If everything is you, there will be no desire to avoid anything, no impulse to discriminate in favour of anything.
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You may need to do this but the jnani will not because nothing can ever drag him back into the realm of false identifications again. He will always be in that state in which he knows everything to be himself. He will never again have the idea that anything is different or apart from his own Self.
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....
Bhagavan watched me very closely in the years that I served him in the ashram. One time I went to the Mother’s temple where many people were talking about worldly matters.
Bhagavan called me back, saying, ‘Why should you go to that crowd? Don’t go to crowded places. If you move with the crowd, their vasanas will infect you.’
Bhagavan always encouraged me to live a solitary life and not mix with other people. That was the path he picked for me. Other people got different advice that was equally good for them. But while he actively discouraged me from socialising, he also discouraged me from sitting quietly and meditating during the years that I was working in the ashram. In this period of my life, if Bhagavan saw me sitting with my eyes closed he would call out to me and give me some work to do.
On one of these occasions he told me, ‘Don’t sit and meditate. It will be enough if you don’t forget that you are the Self. Keep this in your mind all the time while you are working. This sadhana will be enough for you.
The real sadhana is not to forget the Self.
It is not sitting quietly with one’s eyes closed. You are always the Self. Just don’t forget it.’
Bhagavan’s way does not create a war between the mind and the body. He does not make people sit down and fight the mind with closed eyes. Usually, when you sit in meditation, you are struggling to achieve something, fighting to gain control over the mind. Bhagavan did not advise us to engage in this kind of fight. He told us that there is no need to engage in a war against the mind, because mind does not have any real, fundamental existence. This mind, he said, is nothing but a shadow. He advised me to be continuously aware of the Self while I did the ordinary things of everyday life, and in my case, this was enough.
If you understand the Self and be that Self, everything will appear to you as your own Self. No problems will ever come to you while you have this vision. Because you are all and all is the
Self, choices about liking or disliking will not arise. If you put on green-tinted glasses, everything you see will appear to be green. If you adopt the vision of the Self, everything that is seen will be Self and Self alone.
So these were Bhagavan’s teachings for me:
‘If you want to understand the Self, no formal sadhana is required.
You are always the Self.
Be aware of the Self while you are working.
Convince yourself that you are the Self, and not the body or the mind,
and always avoid the thought, “I am not the Self’.’
Avoid thoughts that limit you, thoughts that make you believe that you are not the Self.
I once asked Bhagavan: ‘You are at the top of the hill. You have reached the summit of spiritual life, whereas I am still at the bottom of the hill. Please help me to reach the summit.’
Bhagavan answered, ‘It will be enough if you give up the thought, “I am at the bottom of the hill”. If you can do this, there will be no difference between us. It is just your thoughts that are convincing you that I am at the top and you are at the bottom. If you can give up this difference, you will be fine.’
Don't adopt attitudes such as these that automatically assume that you are limited or inferior in any way.
On another occasion I asked Bhagavan: ‘Nowadays, many people are crossing big oceans by plane in very short periods of time. I would like Bhagavan to find us a good device, a jnana airplane that can speedily transport us all to moksha.'
This time Bhagavan replied, ‘We are both travelling in a jnana airplane, but you don’t understand this.’
In his answers to me Bhagavan would never let me fall into the false belief that I was separate or different from him, or that I was a person with a mind and a body who needed to do something to reach some exalted spiritual state. Whenever I asked him questions that were based on assumptions such as these, he would show me the error that was implicit in the question and gently point me back to the truth, the Self. He would never allow me to entertain wrong ideas.
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One of the old Siddhas [Tamil poet-saints who lived about 1,000 years ago] composed a song:
‘I yearned for and searched for the truth. I ran everywhere looking for it. I wasted my life, my time and my energy looking everywhere for this truth. So much time was wasted in this pursuit, I have grown old and am about to die.
But finally I have understood that the true light is within myself.’
You are going to different places on a pilgrimage, but what you are really looking for is you yourself. You cannot achieve success in this by going on external searches because you yourself are the one that is being looked for. Your real nature is peace. Forgetting this, you have lost your peace and you are searching in the outside world where there is no peace to be found.
This is the teaching of Bhagavan, my Guru. I am passing it on to you.
You must understand who you are and what you are, and then you must remain as that.
If you can manage this, this itself will suffice.
Right now you are under the impression that you are your body and your mind, but the truth is, you are the Self.
Let go of the T that you imagine yourself to be and catch hold of the real ‘I’, the Self.
What do you hope to gain from your pilgrimage, from going here and there in an external journey? You are holding onto the idea that you are your body and your mind. Having assumed this, you are now looking for an external God so that you can worship him.
Though such worship may be beneficial, it will not take you beyond the realm of the mind.
While you hold onto the idea that you are a person inside a body, whatever you see will be a manifestation of your own mind.
You cannot transcend the mind by worshipping your own external projections.
All these external appearances that you see in front of you are maya.
They have no fundamental abiding reality.
To find the Self, to find what is true and real, you have to look inside yourself.
You have to find the source, the place where all these mental projections arise.
You are looking for satisfaction in the outside world because you think that all these objects you see in front of you are real.
They are not.
The reality is the substratum in which they all appear.
This is what you should be seeking, instead of looking for external gods in different pilgrimage places.
An elephant is made out of wood. If we see it as wood, it is wood. But if we get caught up in the name and form, we will see only an elephant and forget that it's underlying nature is wood.
All is your own Self.
This form is different; that form is different. This is more powerful; this is worse. These are all judgements you make when you see separate objects instead of having the true vision that all is an undifferentiated oneness.
There may be different varieties of light bulbs, but the current that activates and sustains them is the same.
You must learn to become one with this activating current, the unmanifest Self,
and not get caught up in all the names and forms that appear in it.
Here is another verse from one of the Siddhas:
‘Because of your ego you are going to the forest to look for spiritual light.
You are looking for this darshan of light in Badrinath and other Himalayan pilgrimage places.
These things are the illusion of the mind.
They depend on the states of the mind and the functioning of the mind.
That which you are searching for is within yourself.’
Bhagavan wrote in Ulladu Narpadu, verse eleven:
‘Knowing all else without knowing oneself, the knower of objects known, is nothing but ignorance.
How instead can it be knowledge?’
All the information the mind accumulates and all the experiences it collects are ignorance, false knowledge.
Real knowledge cannot be found in the mind or in any external location.
The mind sees through coloured glasses, and what it sees is tinted and tainted by that colour. If your mind is in a spoiled and disturbed condition, the entire world will appear to be in a spoiled and disturbed condition. If your mind is crystal clear, everything will appear to you to be clear and peaceful.
Your most important objective must be realising the Self.
If you have not done this, you will spend your time in ignorance and illusion. You, your mind, this world - they are all maya. Don’t become a slave to this maya. Instead, realise the Self and let maya become your servant.
I have just remembered another verse from the Siddhas:
‘Many people have struggled years together to realise the Self. Millions and millions of people have struggled, looking for the light outside themselves.
If these millions and millions of people have died without understanding the Self that is within them, it is because they didn’t understand the real path.’
You must find someone who has followed the right path, someone who has discovered this inner truth for himself, and who stabilised himself there.
Such a one will give you good advice.
He will not send you out on unproductive adventures in the outside world.
Following the advice of someone who has not reached this state is simply a case of the blind leading the blind. Neither knows the right path and both will eventually fall into a big hole
You may find a fruit that is very bitter and decide to improve its flavour. You could take it to all the holy rivers in the country and wash it in each one, but when you come home, the fruit will not be any less bitter than the day you started. You can carry your mind to every comer of the country, visiting all the famous pilgrimage places on the way, bathing in all the holy rivers, doing pujas at all the sacred shrines, but when you return your mind will be in the same state as the day you started.
Mind is not improved by long journeys to far-flung places. Instead, make an internal pilgrimage.
Take the mind back to its source and plunge it into the peace-giving waters of the Self.
If you once make this pilgrimage, you will never need to go looking for happiness or peace in any other place.
Question: Is it not good to remember God and to repeat his name?
Annamalai Swami:
The Ribhu Gita advises us to remember at all times, ‘I am the Self; all is the Self’.
The entire universe is ‘I’.
If you can keep this permanently in your mind, millions and millions of punyas will come to you.
There were many books that Bhagavan liked, but Ribhu Gita was definitely one of the best. He once said that Ribhu Gita is a book for one’s last life.
You must have read Hanuman’s story in the Ramayana. Hanuman’s mind was completely lost in the name of Ram, and because of this he accumulated great powers. He was able to jump across the ocean because of his full and complete devotion.
I advise doing japa to the Self, either by repeatedly thinking about it or by repeating affirmations such as ‘I am the Self’.
This affirmation is the greatest mantra of all. If you can do it continuously, without interruption, you will get results very quickly. There is no greater japa, no greater sadhana than this.
The one who is seeking is also that which is sought.
The seeker and the sought are both Self..
If you are not able to find this Self within yourself, you will not find it anywhere else.
Searching on the outside and visiting holy places will not help you.
Many people are visiting swamis, temples and holy places. Doing these things will not yield any good fruit. For real and lasting results you have to look inside yourself and discover the Self within. You can do that anywhere.
Self is readily available all the time
but we cannot be aware of it or even put our attention on the thought of it because our vasanas are continuously leading our interest and attention in other directions.
That is why it is so important to have the awareness, T am not the mind. I am the Self.’
You have to forcibly drag your wandering attention back to the Self, each time it shows an interest in going anywhere else.
If there is no external light such as Bhagavan to guide you, you have to look within to find the Self.
You will not benefit from looking anywhere else, from doing anything else, or from listening to any other voice.
Walking round and round a temple, doing rituals to a deity - activities like these will not bring you any nearer to the Self. The pujas, the japas, the rituals - these are just for beginners.
Meditation is the syllabus in a higher class. We need not waste our time by indulging in the activities of the infant class again and again.
Here, in this class, I ask you to put all your attention, all your interest on realising the final teaching:
‘I am not the body or the mind. I am Self. All is the Self.’ This is Bhagavan’s final teaching.
Nothing more needs to be added to it. Keep good company while you pursue this knowledge and all will be well.
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my wife is a widow story..
We would think that a man who behaved like this was utterly stupid because he chose to believe the words of others instead of his own experience. But are we any better? We believe, on the basis of indirect information provided by the senses, that we are the body. The experience of ‘I am’, of the Self, is present in all of us, but when the mischievous senses gang up on us and try to make us believe something that is patently untrue, we believe them and ignore our direct experience.
Then we grieve about our state, lamenting, ‘I am bound; I am unenlightened; I am not free’.
And even when the Guru comes along and says, ‘You are the Self. You are free. Why do you insist on believing this misinformation that the mischievous senses are giving you?', still you do not believe the truth.
You tell him, ‘The senses have always given me reliable information in the past. I have learned to trust them. What they tell me must be true.'
And so you go on grieving and complaining, even when your direct experience and the words of the Guru agree with each other and reveal the truth.
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87 only 1 week to live strory
This is not just a story; it is a tactic that will work for anyone.
If you can withdraw energy from your worldly attachments and instead focus full-time on the Self, you will soon get results.
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92
Remember, nothing that happens in the mind is ‘you’, and none of it is your business.
You don’t have to worry about thoughts that rise up inside you. It is enough that you remember that the thoughts are not you.
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Whatever kind of thought arises, have the same reaction: ‘Not me; not my business.’ It can be a good thought or a bad thought. Treat them all the same way. To whom are these thoughts arising? To you. That means that you are not the thought.
You are the Self. Remain as the Self, and don’t latch onto anything that is not the Self.
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If you remain as the Self, no vasanas and no karma will touch or affect you. If you remain in the mind, thoughts of one sort or another will bother you all the time.
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If the thoughts ‘I should meditate’ or ‘I should realise’ arise, ask yourself, ‘To whom are these thoughts arising?’ Why do you need to think about your body and your mind so much? If you are the light, there is no darkness. If you are the Self, there is no thought, no body, and no mind to give you any trouble. Any number of thoughts may come. Let them.
But remember all the time, ‘I am the Self’.
You are not the vasanas, you are not the thoughts, you are the Self.
Keep that awareness and don’t worry too much about what is going on in your mind, and what it means.
Don’t allow any identifications to settle on you.
Don’t think, ‘I am sitting in Bhagavan’s shrine’. Don’t think, ‘I am doing, I am acting, I am sitting’.
You are the Self, not the body. Even your vasanas are the Self. All is your Self. There are no distinctions, no differences in the Self. Nothing is separate from the Self. You cannot find a single atom, a single thought that is apart from the Self. All is the Self.
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All these doubts that are troubling you arise simply because you are enmeshed in the ‘I am the body’ thought and all the confusing consequences that it brings.
It is more productive to keep the awareness ‘I am the Self’ than to be analysing the usefulness of effort.
Sadhana, effort and practice, and any ideas you may have about them, are concepts that can only arise when you believe that you are not the Self,
and when you believe that you have to do something to reach the Self.
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Even the sequence, ‘To whom has this thought come? To me,’ is based on ignorance of the truth. Why?
Because it is verbalising a state of ignorance; it is perpetuating an erroneous assumption that there is a person who is having troublesome thoughts.
You are the Self, not some make-believe person who is having thoughts.
If you remain in the Self, as the Self, no harm can come to you.
In that state, whatever comes to you will not be a problem.
There is no duality when you remain as the Self; no thoughts about what you should or should not do, and no thoughts about what can be done or what can’t be done.
The main thing is not to go out of the Self. When you have switched on the light, darkness cannot come, not even if you desire it.
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When this thought, ‘I am not meditating,’ or ‘I am not in the Self,’ arises, just ignore it and go back to the Self.
When thoughts such as these arise, look at them and think, ‘Not me, not my business,’ and go back to the Self.
Don’t waste energy on thinking or evaluating how well or how badly you are doing in your meditation.
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Whatever thoughts come, ignore them. You have to ignore anything that is connected to the body-mind idea, anything that is based on the notion that you are the mind or the body. If you can do this, the rising thought will not disturb or distract you. In a split second, it will run away.
All thoughts are distractions, including the thought ‘I am meditating’. If you are the Self, darkness will not overcome you. Whatever thoughts arise in that state won’t affect you.
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These doubts keep coming up in you because you are not dwelling in the source, the substratum. In that place there is oneness, a oneness in which all distinctions, all separation is absent.
If you abide as the Self, you will see the world as the Self.
In fact, there will be no world at all.
No world, no maya, no mind, no distinctions of any kind.
It is like the state of seeing only wood in the carved elephant, only threads in the dyed cloth.
In that state of being and knowing the Self, ideas of right and wrong, things to do and things to avoid doing, will vanish.
You will know that they were just mental concepts. In that state you will know that mind is the Self, bondage is the Self, everything is the Self.
With that vision, nothing will bind you; nothing will cause you misery.
The Self may appear as the manifest world, as different separate objects, but the underlying reality, the only real substance is the Self in which they are all appearing and disappearing.
Things and people may appear in this substratum, and you may use them or interact with them, but your peace will never be disturbed.
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Teeth and tongue are both parts of you, and they both function in harmony, without fighting or struggling. When there is the knowledge that mind and Self are one, there will be no fights, no struggles, and no attempts to judge or attain.
To have this harmony, place the mind in the Self and keep it there.
This is the real meditation.
Yes, yes. The ‘I am the body’ thought is just as poisonous as a cobra.
‘All is my Self.’ ‘All is the nectar of my own Self.’ These are the great affirmations that counter the ‘I am the body’ thought.
Holding on to one of these sayings is the equal of millions of punyas.
If we continuously meditate on the truth of these statements, if we hold on to the truth that they are pointing towards, countless punyas will accrue to us.
Drop the body-mind idea and you will discover that you don’t have any likes or dislikes. You do not think that your shirt is yourself. Similarly, the jnani does not believe that he is his body or his mind.
The jnani understands that the body and the mind are animated by the Self, but he also knows that he shines as the Self whether the body and mind are there or not.
Without the Self, the body and the mind can do nothing at all. You could not eat, sleep, speak, or do anything at all without the Self.
Keep your body in good condition if you want to, but don’t ever believe that it is you.
You can keep your car in good working order without ever believing that you are the car.
Have the same attitude towards your body. You are not your car and you are not your body. Both will perish, but the Self will continue because it is always there.
When you identify with transient things that pass away or perish, you too will pass away and perish, but when you identify with the Self, you will not pass away or change in any way.
The Self has no birth, no death, no bondage, no misery, no youth, no old age, and no sickness. These are attributes of changing bodies and minds, not the Self.
Be the Self and none of these things will ever happen to you.
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100
Initially, abidance in the Self may not be firm and irreversible. Vigilance may be needed at first to maintain it.
There is a verse from Kaivalya Navaneeta that Bhagavan often quoted. It speaks of the need for vigilance even after the Self has been experienced for the first time. In the verse the disciple is speaking to his Guru:
‘Lord, you are the reality remaining as my inmost Self, ruling me during all my countless incarnations! Glory to you who have put on an external form in order to instruct me. I do not see how I can repay your grace for having liberated me. Glory! Glory to your holy feet!’
The Guru replies:
‘To stay fixed in the Self without the three kinds of obstacles -ignorance, uncertainty and wrong knowledge- obstructing your experience, is the highest return you can render me.’
The Guru knows that without vigilance, an initial experience of the Self may slip away.
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If we take the mirage to be real water, that is ignorance. Similarly, if we take the unreal body to be the Self, that is also ignorance. As soon as ignorance comes, you must question it. ‘To whom does this ignorance come?’ A strong determination to pursue enquiry in this way will dissolve all doubts. By questioning ‘Who am I?’ and by constantly meditating, one comes to the clarity of being.
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The acquisition of knowledge belongs to the realm of education, not sadhana.
Seeing everything as one is the true seeing, and
controlling the five senses in the body is the true sadhana.
They must be controlled, and success in this endeavour is truly heroic.
No traditional education can prepare you for this.
Realising the Self is the true education.
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A proper education does not come from books. It comes from associating with jnanis.
They alone can guide us and teach us properly. I served Bhagavan for twelve years. Looking back on those years I can now say that just as you cannot get a proper formal academic education without attending school, one cannot get a true spiritual education without satsang, either with a jnani or with one’s own Self.
If you are conscious of consciousness, there is no duality. Everything is included in consciousness
Question: But is it enough to be aware of the awareness?
Annamalai Swami: You are repeating the question, so I will repeat the answer. If you remain in the state of consciousness, there will be nothing apart from it. No problems, no misery, no questions.
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Question: Are you always in that state of consciousness? I find that when I am busy with activities, thoughts come up and I am no longer remembering myself. I am no longer focussing on consciousness.
Annamalai Swami:
I don’t lose consciousness of the Self because I don’t get identified with the body and the mind.
It is only in the state in which you identify with the body and the mind that problems arise.
In deep sleep we forget the body and the mind, but consciousness is still there.
That same state is present now, while we are awake.
If you give up all your ideas about separateness, that will be enough.
When those ideas have gone you realise you are everything.
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In deep sleep no names and forms manifest in that consciousness, whereas in the dreaming and waking state they do.
When you look at a piece of cloth, you notice its name- and-form attributes: the colour, the design, the thickness, etc. But what you are really looking at is just threads.
The underlying nature of consciousness, the equivalent of the threads in the cloth, is peace.
To abide knowingly as consciousness is to be a deep, undisturbed peace, even though thoughts and activities may be manifesting in it. When you see through the eyes of wisdom, there is only peace.
No bondage or samsara touches you.
Even to say that the Self is peace is not quite correct. I call it peace, but really, it is not something that can be described or defined by words.
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Whether you move your hand or keep it still, it is still a hand. Its nature is not changed in either case. Maya is the Self. All is the Self. If you give up all distinctions, you will know this for yourself. That’s all you need to do.
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Question: Why does the mind always go outwards instead of inwards?
Annamalai Swami: Because we don’t ask the question, ‘Why does the mind go outwards instead of inwards?
This question arises because the nature of happiness is not properly understood. People are always looking for it in the wrong places and by doing the wrong activities.
You begin with the impression, which is really a misunderstanding, that happiness is something that can be found outside you, and furthermore, that you have to do something or go somewhere to reach it.
This is your illusion, and it is your belief in this illusion that makes the mind search for happiness in the outside world.
Even when you are told, ‘Happiness is within you as your own Self. Look inwards and find it,’ still you think that you have to do something or go somewhere to discover it.
This is the power of maya, of illusion. This is like one fish in the sea asking another fish for directions to the ocean.
When you are not aware that your glasses are resting on your nose, you may look for them all day, thinking that they are lost. As a consequence, you believe that they are an object to be found. Eventually, you realise that you were wearing them all the time.
While the search was on, that which was being sought was, in reality, that through which the seeing was taking place. You were looking for an object that finally turned out to be the subject that was doing the seeing. So it is with the mind and the Self. Mind sets up the notion that the Self needs to be found, and then proceeds to hunt for it as if it were some object that could be located in some interior place. This is as foolish as a man with a goat wrapped round his shoulders spending his time wandering around, looking for his goat, and asking everyone he meets where it might be.
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Grace is always present, always available, but for it to be effective, one must be in a state to receive it and make full use of it.
If you want to take a full cup of water from a lake, you have fully to immerse the cup first. If you want to fill your mind with grace, submerge it fully in the Self.
In that place the grace will manifest in you as peace and happiness.
Question: Does the mind die gradually or suddenly?
Annamalai Swami: One answer is: ‘When the sun comes up, does darkness disappear suddenly or gradually?’
Bhagavan, speaking on this topic, once remarked: ‘Someone mistakes a rope hanging in the darkness for a snake. He then asks how many years it will take for the snake to die.’
This is a better answer. If the mind does not exist, it cannot die either quickly or slowly.
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